I love the way you weave seemingly disparate stories and links to other Substack newsletters but they all fit together thematically and reinforce each other. I suppose it’s all part of the puzzle we try to put together piece by piece called "adulting.” Your child is very patient to not be annoyed whilw a camera is clicking photos during a serious conversation! Maybe kids now are so used to it they hardly notice....;)
LOL I use my phone camera, and I'm very sneaky with my photo skills because I don't like to interrupt the moment. I do a lot of shooting from the hip or "Let me just see who is texting me *CLICK*" All photos of my kids are posted online with my kids' permission, which is why seeing a photo of my daughter is rare haha.
And thank you for the compliment. It's not explicitly intentional, but I consume stories through only a few filters of interest, so I can see how they end up fitting together as I process them out loud.
My kids are older than yours and as young adults, they are helping their parents have difficult conversations in new ways. I'm grateful for their insight, and yours. Do you know the work of https://www.rebekahgienapp.com/ ? You might want to check out her anti-racism and parenting resources as your book work continues.
How wonderful that you appreciate your kids' insight - even if difficult to digest at times. I have not had that same experience with my dad. I will check out Rebekah's work - thank you for the link. And thank you for saying "as your book work continues." Admitting out loud that I'm working on a book is very fresh, and it makes me giddy that a phrase like that is just something normal that is said to me now. :)
Thank you for this! I'm not looking forward to difficult questions at all. Mine are 2.5 and 6 months and they're blissfully ignorant of police brutality, antisemitism, and inequality. Really not looking forward to explaining food banks.
Your essay reminded me that hard truths are hard for most adults to talk about! Maybe we're even worse than kids - they at least ask the questions and challenge assumptions even if they are upset about the answers. I think sometimes that as we grow older we get better and better at avoiding the hard things in many ways, so good at it that we don't even notice it. My therapist asked me recently: what are you afraid to feel? Which seemed like such a strange question at first but the more I thought about it the more interesting it became.
This is so true about getting better at avoiding things as adults. It gets easier for us to position ourselves in ways where we don’t have to think about or experience things we find uncomfortable.
I spent my first 11 years in rural Mississippi where both my parents were raised. Racism still ran strong in the early 80s. It wasn’t until I moved back four years ago that I realized it’s still just as strong.
Our town’s population is about 70% Black. Most of our friends here and nearly all of our church family are Black. We love our people! But I still have to deal with White community members and even family who think I hold their same racists opinions because I am White. And I’m not one to hold my tongue, so I’m not very popular in some crowds. Im okay with that.
Mike and I are learning every day because we are living in community with people who not only have a different skin color but also a different culture. We have candid conversations with our friends about our differences, the issues we see, and how we can work toward better relationships in our community.
I’m no longer raising kids, but we now have grandkids. So these resources are appreciated. There is so much work to be done.
I love the way you weave seemingly disparate stories and links to other Substack newsletters but they all fit together thematically and reinforce each other. I suppose it’s all part of the puzzle we try to put together piece by piece called "adulting.” Your child is very patient to not be annoyed whilw a camera is clicking photos during a serious conversation! Maybe kids now are so used to it they hardly notice....;)
LOL I use my phone camera, and I'm very sneaky with my photo skills because I don't like to interrupt the moment. I do a lot of shooting from the hip or "Let me just see who is texting me *CLICK*" All photos of my kids are posted online with my kids' permission, which is why seeing a photo of my daughter is rare haha.
And thank you for the compliment. It's not explicitly intentional, but I consume stories through only a few filters of interest, so I can see how they end up fitting together as I process them out loud.
My kids are older than yours and as young adults, they are helping their parents have difficult conversations in new ways. I'm grateful for their insight, and yours. Do you know the work of https://www.rebekahgienapp.com/ ? You might want to check out her anti-racism and parenting resources as your book work continues.
How wonderful that you appreciate your kids' insight - even if difficult to digest at times. I have not had that same experience with my dad. I will check out Rebekah's work - thank you for the link. And thank you for saying "as your book work continues." Admitting out loud that I'm working on a book is very fresh, and it makes me giddy that a phrase like that is just something normal that is said to me now. :)
Thank you for this! I'm not looking forward to difficult questions at all. Mine are 2.5 and 6 months and they're blissfully ignorant of police brutality, antisemitism, and inequality. Really not looking forward to explaining food banks.
Your essay reminded me that hard truths are hard for most adults to talk about! Maybe we're even worse than kids - they at least ask the questions and challenge assumptions even if they are upset about the answers. I think sometimes that as we grow older we get better and better at avoiding the hard things in many ways, so good at it that we don't even notice it. My therapist asked me recently: what are you afraid to feel? Which seemed like such a strange question at first but the more I thought about it the more interesting it became.
This is so true about getting better at avoiding things as adults. It gets easier for us to position ourselves in ways where we don’t have to think about or experience things we find uncomfortable.
Also realizing “What are you afraid to feel?” would make a great Fire Night question of the week!
I spent my first 11 years in rural Mississippi where both my parents were raised. Racism still ran strong in the early 80s. It wasn’t until I moved back four years ago that I realized it’s still just as strong.
Our town’s population is about 70% Black. Most of our friends here and nearly all of our church family are Black. We love our people! But I still have to deal with White community members and even family who think I hold their same racists opinions because I am White. And I’m not one to hold my tongue, so I’m not very popular in some crowds. Im okay with that.
Mike and I are learning every day because we are living in community with people who not only have a different skin color but also a different culture. We have candid conversations with our friends about our differences, the issues we see, and how we can work toward better relationships in our community.
I’m no longer raising kids, but we now have grandkids. So these resources are appreciated. There is so much work to be done.
Great piece. It resonates