“Where Are You Going?”

I'm writing this far too late after a really long week and I've had some tequila. But I showed up as promised (to myself).

Hi, it’s me. 

One time when I was in elementary school, my mom and I rushed out the door to the car — I think we were late to my piano lesson or something. Growing up, my mom was usually late to everything, or she rushed into a room barely at the last minute. She was always trying to squeeze in too many things, and her hair took a long time to “do,” and we could never leave the house until she found her lipstick.

(No kidding. When we spent time at our cabin in the woods of northern Minnesota, we’d go driving around the country roads at dusk to look for deer. My mom loved seeing herds of deer grazing in the open fields. But even at the cabin, she had to put on lipstick before leaving the house. For the record, I struggle to put on pants before leaving the house, so…)

A surprise visit from my mom, 2008. Ruthie has already commandeered her lipstick.

I’ve inherited lateness from my mom. I don’t do my hair or wear lipstick, but I’m always trying to squeeze in too many things, and I often make several trips back to the house from the car when I realize I’ve forgotten something. Bryan has spent 30% of our marriage waiting for me in the driveway.

Anyway, we rushed out to the car and I sat in the front passenger seat. When my mom turned the key in the ignition a loud, deep, male voice directly behind us said, “WHERE ARE YOU GOING?”

*****GAHHHHHH!*****

My mom and I both screamed and turned around to see who was in our car. After a brief pause, the voice continued. It was a radio commercial, and the car speakers were behind us, and my mom had left the volume high when she was last listening to gospel music in the car. It was a coincidence that we arrived to the commercial at the exact moment this question was asked. 

We burst into laughter, relieved we were not being kidnapped. As the adrenaline slowly released from our nervous systems, she put the car into reverse, backed out of the driveway, and we went about our afternoon.

Many years later, I still say this phrase to myself – often audibly, usually existentially. I always use my radio-announcer voice.

“Where are you going, Jennifer?!”

🎉 Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of launching this newsletter. 🎉

(It’s also my birthday.)

In the weeks leading up to this milestone, I wondered if I was in over my head with this whole Substack project. At one point, I had a plan. It was mapped out, but flexible; ambitious, but fluid. Lately I’ve felt wander-y and lacking in focus. I haven’t worked on my book at all, and I wonder if anybody would read it anyway. Why would they? I’m a nobody. Maybe I should quit and go back to doing … whatever it is I used to do with my spare time.

You know… the usual downward spiral self-talk of a creative person.

Thankfully I managed to pull out of my nose dive and remember that I’ve had a few things going on this year and maybe I should give myself a minute to catch my breath.

---

Where am I going?

I’m sending personal thank-you notes to my paid subscribers. 

One thing I haven’t mentioned in this space is that I have a brag-worthy collection of postcards and notecards from over the years, plus a few fun fountain pens that I love to write with. My letter writing has dropped off significantly since I started this newsletter, but I still think snail mail is the best mail, and I miss the regular exchange with my many penpals.

If you’re already a paid subscriber, look for a separate email from me with a link to submit your mailing address. 

Right now, my newsletter is free to read and my comments are open to all. A paid option exists for you to say, “Hey, I love your voice and I want more of it. Here’s a couple bucks. Keep going.” I’m grateful for your support and encouragement.

With your paid subscriptions, I’ve attended writing workshops and will be heading to a writing retreat in November. Your subscription will also go toward providing a small stipend to guest writers who publish on Pretend You’re Good At It (more on that below). 

All that to say, your financial contributions to Pretend You’re Good At It are keeping the dream alive and creating an even better reading experience. THANK YOU.

The office wall behind me where I loosely map out my ideas.

I’m expanding Pretend You’re Good At It to include guest writers.

Last month when I relaunched my newsletter with a new name and new focus, I said this:

As I shared the new name and concept with friends, it sparked conversations about their own feelings of failure and inadequacy, and I heard vulnerable stories from them that I hadn’t heard before. This validated my belief that 1) we learn a great deal about ourselves when we push through fear and disappointment, and 2) it’s easier to share these stories with others when invited into a space where we know everyone else is also Figuring It Out.

In the spirit of sharing our stories, I’m inviting a few friends to join us in the coming months. I’m excited! You’ve already heard from my friend, Kim. Coming soon, you’ll hear from:

• my friend Sara, who graduated college during a recession, became an entrepreneur, then closed her shop 13 years later when COVID hit.

• my friend, Elise, who’s son is my son’s bestie, but also she’s contemplating villains and victims in the wake of her divorce.

• my friend, Angie, who agreed to write something but might chicken out so I’ve called her out here and she can’t back out now.

• And from my friend, Jana, whom I haven’t asked yet, but she’s probably reading this now so I should maybe call her. 👋

Guest writers serve three purposes in this season of my writing.

1. I know some awesome people with stories that are worth hearing who have different voices and experiences from mine, which is interesting to me.

2. I need to slow my writing pace a little and re-center my own practice. Guest writers can give me the break I need right now.

3. Eventually I want ask you to submit your own stories, but I don’t know how to do that yet. I’m hoping that by inviting my IRL friends to this space, I can figure out what I’m looking for and practice making the pitch.

An idea for next year?

Yes, I’m getting wildly ahead of myself thinking about next year already, but I work in nonprofit fundraising so I’m used to planning these things six months in advance.

I have an idea and I’m wondering if it’s a good one. It falls in the *I* think it would be fun but does anyone else think it would be fun? category.

Please indulge me in some research, will you? For the following questions, please assume Zoom, Teams, or similar tools for video calls.

Thank you for that. I’m tired now. Good night.

Until next time,

Jen