What petty things HAVEN’T we argued about? We’re at 33 years now, and I swear the first 27 were full of fights … and then we stopped, mostly anyway. I think we both recognized it just wasn’t worth it, and we were gonna love each other anyway so why all the ruckus? Thanks, Jen, that was a nice one.
I’ve aggressively made my share of tomorrow’s coffee.
Regarding the comedy tickets: “Tone” is a real thing. It’s also a learned behavior. If I’m honest, had my wife and I had that same exchange, it would’ve played out the same way. And I’d like to think it would’ve had the same happy resolution.
In my experience— and I’m generally curious to hear from others here— marriage got easier (for lack of a better term) once our kids got older. We’re able to spend more time as Kevin & Becky and less as Mom and Dad. Hopefully, that makes sense?
I was going to ask “how did you know to take a photo of you holding that Cards Against Humanity card? And then I watched the delightful video at the end and had my answer.
I’ve been working on a revision of a piece that loosely is about the connection between rehearsing fights (both with self and others) and Earworms. Reading this has inspired me to finish it.
In an expression of love, my wife is reading “My Age of Anxiety.” She doesn’t suffer from it, I do. She said to me last night: “I feel like I understand you so much better now.”
This was really good Jen. Your honesty is wonderful. I wish I could say I was improving in my maturity and ability to think and stop the cycle during arguments. Maybe one in twenty times I am able to reduce the emotion and change up the narrative. We have gotten less volatile in general, and have learned tricks to de-escalate. I've found that travel, which we do a LOT of, brings additional stress, as does staying in one place too long. There is a small sweet spot a few times a year where we seem to just flow nicely. I guess that is something! Thanks for sharing a great essay!
Yay. You admitted happily married couples fight. It happens. Whats great is if I write down the dialogue of a fight and read it, it’s hilarious. Reread yours. You’ll laugh.
This is so incredibly relatable. Twenty-two years of marriage for us and there are so many things that get easier as our kids get older. And we fight, not hard and not loud, but we work through it. I don't believe that marriage is hard, but I do believe that it takes work to make any kind of relationship last. We are not the same people that we were when we were 22-year-old kids. Our dreams have changed, our goals have changed, and we've adjusted with those changes. We've grown toward each other, and that is why we are still married after a lot of challenges.
This is the most beautiful, honest, sweet thing I’ve read. ❤️😽You are an amazing writer and person, Jen.
What petty things HAVEN’T we argued about? We’re at 33 years now, and I swear the first 27 were full of fights … and then we stopped, mostly anyway. I think we both recognized it just wasn’t worth it, and we were gonna love each other anyway so why all the ruckus? Thanks, Jen, that was a nice one.
“You know you do this, too… “
I’ve aggressively made my share of tomorrow’s coffee.
Regarding the comedy tickets: “Tone” is a real thing. It’s also a learned behavior. If I’m honest, had my wife and I had that same exchange, it would’ve played out the same way. And I’d like to think it would’ve had the same happy resolution.
In my experience— and I’m generally curious to hear from others here— marriage got easier (for lack of a better term) once our kids got older. We’re able to spend more time as Kevin & Becky and less as Mom and Dad. Hopefully, that makes sense?
"I was stopping the spiral, breaking the pattern."
An act of creation, as radically new as the world's first morning.
Lovely piece; thank you for such deep sharing.
I was going to ask “how did you know to take a photo of you holding that Cards Against Humanity card? And then I watched the delightful video at the end and had my answer.
I’ve been working on a revision of a piece that loosely is about the connection between rehearsing fights (both with self and others) and Earworms. Reading this has inspired me to finish it.
In an expression of love, my wife is reading “My Age of Anxiety.” She doesn’t suffer from it, I do. She said to me last night: “I feel like I understand you so much better now.”
This was really good Jen. Your honesty is wonderful. I wish I could say I was improving in my maturity and ability to think and stop the cycle during arguments. Maybe one in twenty times I am able to reduce the emotion and change up the narrative. We have gotten less volatile in general, and have learned tricks to de-escalate. I've found that travel, which we do a LOT of, brings additional stress, as does staying in one place too long. There is a small sweet spot a few times a year where we seem to just flow nicely. I guess that is something! Thanks for sharing a great essay!
Yay. You admitted happily married couples fight. It happens. Whats great is if I write down the dialogue of a fight and read it, it’s hilarious. Reread yours. You’ll laugh.
Good, honest stuff. Thanks for sharing!
"If you die first, that's not how the story will be told." Lol, goes without saying, right?
I love the video, and this post is perfect and oh so vulnerable. I'm writing about vulnerability for my post tomorrow. I'll have to tag you! 💜
This is so incredibly relatable. Twenty-two years of marriage for us and there are so many things that get easier as our kids get older. And we fight, not hard and not loud, but we work through it. I don't believe that marriage is hard, but I do believe that it takes work to make any kind of relationship last. We are not the same people that we were when we were 22-year-old kids. Our dreams have changed, our goals have changed, and we've adjusted with those changes. We've grown toward each other, and that is why we are still married after a lot of challenges.
Jen, heads up, I sent you an email. Just wanted to be sure you get it.
❤️ Oh Jen, what a terrific post. Thank you.
Jen, what a fun share. I love to hear about people’s evolutions, how they’re learning and growing through loving each other. Thank you for this post.
After 52+ years, we still don't fight well and have pretty much given it up. It sounds as if you have it down.
Internal rants are so necessary!
My next post will be about the anatomy of a fight between my wife and me.