Ugh Jen - I felt like I was reliving my dads experience reading this update and my heart breaks. And the Radiohead lyrics exactly describes that experience of waiting in rooms, waiting for phone calls… all the clear signs of disruption and things feeling out of whack and sync. I’ll be praying for you, Bryan, and especially Ruthie and Thomas for strength, patience when answers aren’t coming or answers that you wished were different, and most importantly faith and hope. Faith that this journey for each of you and as a family is precious and intentional and hope for winning and fighting. Love you! Here if you ever need. Here to let you know that there’s a reader on the other side who reads your words in a way that was never well articulated for my own experience and being able to live through yours.
Stress, anxiety, grief ... I have a lifetime of coping mechanisms that involve food.
1. Copious amounts of boxed mashed potatoes. Toss some garlic powder and dried chives and they’re “fancy taters.” I’ve eaten them straight out of the pan, which might downgrade their fancy grading but the heart wants what it wants.
2. Clear out everything in the Trader Joe’s frozen food section without shame. It’ll be like eating everything off an Applebee’s appetizer menu. But probably fresher. Get that Thai Green Curry. That little spinach artichoke frozen dip circle. Their frozen potstickers are shockingly good -- just toss in a pan with oil and once one side is crispy, toss 1/3 cup water into the hot pan and cover while they “steam” the rest of the way.
3. Any kind of macaroni and cheese on repeat with or without fish sticks and ketchup, depending on your feelings about fish here.
Besides food, I watch perfectly curated movies from the 1950s and 60s. Perfect escapism fodder. That Touch of Mink. Pillow Talk. Young at Heart. Note: Doris Day is my Escapist Queen. Also there’s The Long, Long Trailer.
In all seriousness, I am sitting in my living room and reading this update and I realize I don’t know you. But even still, my mind starts thinking about a great meatball recipe that would be easy to drop off. So, internet friend, this is all to say that your writing helps make it feel like I kind of do know you a smidge. In your last post, I sent a small “vibey thought prayer” that if writing is a portal to pull you through this time, let it be that. Or leave that work to mashed potatoes. I’ll be asking the trees on my property to send one of those cool electrical impulse messages to the nearest tree to you and the family. 🌲 🫶🧡
First off, sending love and good health vibes your way. I’m sorry this isn’t the news that you hoped for and Radiohead always gets the vibe so yes to music. Yes to remembering people like your mom who had their own brand of walking the world with extraversion and small talk, laughter through the discomfort, that while even if that’s not you, it leaves a mark that says this is how it can be, you get to control that part.
Next, my coping brain-
Binge & comfort therapy:
1) The Diplomat on Netflix- So distractingly ridiculous of a political narrative that you can’t pull your eyes away
Well, this sucks. May I take some time to wallow with you before sending all my enthusiastic, positive thoughts?
I find myself reading your posts multiple times lately because so much resonates (like how I am your mom...and I can’t stop talking to random people). I’ll be doing the same with this one. In the meantime, I’m continuing to pray for you and Bryan and his lymph nodes and blood and hair follicles. All the things. And if you need to laugh a little, try singing Creep in a non-native English speaking accent. One of our favorite Mexican restaurants used to have a guy who covered songs on Friday and Saturday nights. Imagine the octave Crash Test Dummies frequently used. Creep was our favorite:
“But I’m a cweep
I’m a veirdo-o-ohhhh
Vhat the hell I’m doing here?
I don’t belong here”
He also dropped “so f*cking special” every single time like there weren’t 20 kids in the house (be sure to hit that hard “g” at the end of that word as well as “doing” and “belong”).
Hmm, I’m a pretty new subscriber and when I first saw this “special programming” related to cancer I thought: maybe I’ll just skip this. But I read today’s piece in full and I’m going to stay on this ride with you guys. I don’t know that I’ll have anything helpful to add, other than letting you know that another stranger wishes you both well and is rooting for you and sympathizing with you along the way.
I'm really sorry to hear this. As always you are both in my thoughts. ♥️
Ugh Jen - I felt like I was reliving my dads experience reading this update and my heart breaks. And the Radiohead lyrics exactly describes that experience of waiting in rooms, waiting for phone calls… all the clear signs of disruption and things feeling out of whack and sync. I’ll be praying for you, Bryan, and especially Ruthie and Thomas for strength, patience when answers aren’t coming or answers that you wished were different, and most importantly faith and hope. Faith that this journey for each of you and as a family is precious and intentional and hope for winning and fighting. Love you! Here if you ever need. Here to let you know that there’s a reader on the other side who reads your words in a way that was never well articulated for my own experience and being able to live through yours.
Sorry to hear this! Sending all the healing energy I’ve got from out here in flyover country.
Stress, anxiety, grief ... I have a lifetime of coping mechanisms that involve food.
1. Copious amounts of boxed mashed potatoes. Toss some garlic powder and dried chives and they’re “fancy taters.” I’ve eaten them straight out of the pan, which might downgrade their fancy grading but the heart wants what it wants.
2. Clear out everything in the Trader Joe’s frozen food section without shame. It’ll be like eating everything off an Applebee’s appetizer menu. But probably fresher. Get that Thai Green Curry. That little spinach artichoke frozen dip circle. Their frozen potstickers are shockingly good -- just toss in a pan with oil and once one side is crispy, toss 1/3 cup water into the hot pan and cover while they “steam” the rest of the way.
3. Any kind of macaroni and cheese on repeat with or without fish sticks and ketchup, depending on your feelings about fish here.
Besides food, I watch perfectly curated movies from the 1950s and 60s. Perfect escapism fodder. That Touch of Mink. Pillow Talk. Young at Heart. Note: Doris Day is my Escapist Queen. Also there’s The Long, Long Trailer.
In all seriousness, I am sitting in my living room and reading this update and I realize I don’t know you. But even still, my mind starts thinking about a great meatball recipe that would be easy to drop off. So, internet friend, this is all to say that your writing helps make it feel like I kind of do know you a smidge. In your last post, I sent a small “vibey thought prayer” that if writing is a portal to pull you through this time, let it be that. Or leave that work to mashed potatoes. I’ll be asking the trees on my property to send one of those cool electrical impulse messages to the nearest tree to you and the family. 🌲 🫶🧡
💙💙💙
I am so sorry about the latest news. I am thinking about your family lots and sending good vibes to you. 🌷
Ideas:
1. My latest binge that I LOVED: Beef on Netflix.
2. Phone Free Tuesdays (or whatever day makes sense for the fam) as a way to unplug and just focus on each other*
3. Geocaching as a way to find new walking routes and gives a fun sense of achievement.
*note I typed this on my phone while my family is all on their phones but we are all watching the Kraken so maybe that’s something. 😉
Ah damn, friends - did not want that to be the case. I see the stress and grief and fierce love in your eyes Jen. Keeping you all in my heart ❤️❤️
I’m sorry for this news. Sending love and recovery prayers. ♥️
ugh. I don't have words, and I almost always have words.
I do have baked goods. Do you like baked goods? I feel like carbs are clutch in the grief process. What kind of baked goods to you guys like?
First off, sending love and good health vibes your way. I’m sorry this isn’t the news that you hoped for and Radiohead always gets the vibe so yes to music. Yes to remembering people like your mom who had their own brand of walking the world with extraversion and small talk, laughter through the discomfort, that while even if that’s not you, it leaves a mark that says this is how it can be, you get to control that part.
Next, my coping brain-
Binge & comfort therapy:
1) The Diplomat on Netflix- So distractingly ridiculous of a political narrative that you can’t pull your eyes away
2) Chicken Soup - always.
💜💜💓
So sorry to hear the additional diagnosis. You are both loved and thought of often. I appreciate you paying attention and telling the story 💕
What a sucker punch. I'm really sorry to hear this.
PS the title is great
Sending love and strength from across the pond, Jen and Bryan. ♥️🏋️
Well, this sucks. May I take some time to wallow with you before sending all my enthusiastic, positive thoughts?
I find myself reading your posts multiple times lately because so much resonates (like how I am your mom...and I can’t stop talking to random people). I’ll be doing the same with this one. In the meantime, I’m continuing to pray for you and Bryan and his lymph nodes and blood and hair follicles. All the things. And if you need to laugh a little, try singing Creep in a non-native English speaking accent. One of our favorite Mexican restaurants used to have a guy who covered songs on Friday and Saturday nights. Imagine the octave Crash Test Dummies frequently used. Creep was our favorite:
“But I’m a cweep
I’m a veirdo-o-ohhhh
Vhat the hell I’m doing here?
I don’t belong here”
He also dropped “so f*cking special” every single time like there weren’t 20 kids in the house (be sure to hit that hard “g” at the end of that word as well as “doing” and “belong”).
Love you guys!
Hmm, I’m a pretty new subscriber and when I first saw this “special programming” related to cancer I thought: maybe I’ll just skip this. But I read today’s piece in full and I’m going to stay on this ride with you guys. I don’t know that I’ll have anything helpful to add, other than letting you know that another stranger wishes you both well and is rooting for you and sympathizing with you along the way.
I'm so sorry to hear about this. Please keep us updated, and thanks for your willingness to share. Prayers for you both.