Ugh Jen - I felt like I was reliving my dads experience reading this update and my heart breaks. And the Radiohead lyrics exactly describes that experience of waiting in rooms, waiting for phone calls… all the clear signs of disruption and things feeling out of whack and sync. I’ll be praying for you, Bryan, and especially Ruthie and Thomas for strength, patience when answers aren’t coming or answers that you wished were different, and most importantly faith and hope. Faith that this journey for each of you and as a family is precious and intentional and hope for winning and fighting. Love you! Here if you ever need. Here to let you know that there’s a reader on the other side who reads your words in a way that was never well articulated for my own experience and being able to live through yours.
"Here to let you know that there’s a reader on the other side who reads your words in a way that was never well articulated for my own experience and being able to live through yours."
Thank you for your prayers and these kind words, Jiwon. I often wonder if I'm oversharing to the point of causing others to relive past trauma, but my hope is always that it will resonate with someone else who may be experiencing (or has experienced) something similar. Thanks for sharing this.
Thank you also for introducing us to the very delicious chicken congee! So so good.
Stress, anxiety, grief ... I have a lifetime of coping mechanisms that involve food.
1. Copious amounts of boxed mashed potatoes. Toss some garlic powder and dried chives and they’re “fancy taters.” I’ve eaten them straight out of the pan, which might downgrade their fancy grading but the heart wants what it wants.
2. Clear out everything in the Trader Joe’s frozen food section without shame. It’ll be like eating everything off an Applebee’s appetizer menu. But probably fresher. Get that Thai Green Curry. That little spinach artichoke frozen dip circle. Their frozen potstickers are shockingly good -- just toss in a pan with oil and once one side is crispy, toss 1/3 cup water into the hot pan and cover while they “steam” the rest of the way.
3. Any kind of macaroni and cheese on repeat with or without fish sticks and ketchup, depending on your feelings about fish here.
Besides food, I watch perfectly curated movies from the 1950s and 60s. Perfect escapism fodder. That Touch of Mink. Pillow Talk. Young at Heart. Note: Doris Day is my Escapist Queen. Also there’s The Long, Long Trailer.
In all seriousness, I am sitting in my living room and reading this update and I realize I don’t know you. But even still, my mind starts thinking about a great meatball recipe that would be easy to drop off. So, internet friend, this is all to say that your writing helps make it feel like I kind of do know you a smidge. In your last post, I sent a small “vibey thought prayer” that if writing is a portal to pull you through this time, let it be that. Or leave that work to mashed potatoes. I’ll be asking the trees on my property to send one of those cool electrical impulse messages to the nearest tree to you and the family. 🌲 🫶🧡
All solid food recommendations, and I'm actually heading to TJs later today (we're a big fan of the soup dumplings). I rarely make mashed potatoes because of the effort, so the boxed route seems like a great way to go! Re movies, I watch thriller and action movies for comfort -- bonus if there's a spycraft element to it. I'm working on an essay draft about this.
We're friends, and I wish I could receive a meatball dish personally delivered by you. I think we might be "bosom friends" in the Anne of Green Gables kinda way. I know you've already seen this, but I sat down to write a note to you about my favorite tree and a poem came out:
We love baked goods! Carbs are the ultimate numbing agent! Gooey cookies... I see you made bread pudding recently (YUM)... banana bread... or you could surprise us! Just no nuts while Bryan's insides are healing. I'll text you.
First off, sending love and good health vibes your way. I’m sorry this isn’t the news that you hoped for and Radiohead always gets the vibe so yes to music. Yes to remembering people like your mom who had their own brand of walking the world with extraversion and small talk, laughter through the discomfort, that while even if that’s not you, it leaves a mark that says this is how it can be, you get to control that part.
Next, my coping brain-
Binge & comfort therapy:
1) The Diplomat on Netflix- So distractingly ridiculous of a political narrative that you can’t pull your eyes away
Yay! Get to talk to someone about it. I just finished. It made me miss “The Americans” - an FX Soviet spy husband-wife team thriller taking place the early 80s DC that just was so good!! Not to mention it was Keri and her real life future hubby, Matthew Rhys. This one is entertaining and it leaves in a good setup for season 2. Also in the thriller genre, watching Jennifer Garner on Apple TV+ in “The last thing he told me” mostly out of allegiance to the book which I finished in a day
omg yes to all of this. I also read “The Last Thing He Told Me” in record time, and the show has been surprisingly good for a book adaptation!! Way better than the series adaptation of “Pieces of Her.”
We were big fans of The Americans, too. Currently also watching Perry Mason with Matthew Rhys.
I’m still wishing “the last thing he told me” was two episodes a week release. It’s not enough. Have you guys watched “Tetris” yet? I feel like you may have written about it so apologies if yes. It’s been a month of celebrating my son’s bar mitzvah and my brain is jet lagged and also just in “where am I?” mode. You mentioned Brian being a nerd and even not being a nerd, it’s a fun and beautiful story starring a super tale eyed Taron Egerton...For musical theater geeks, “Schmigadoon” all the way!
Well, this sucks. May I take some time to wallow with you before sending all my enthusiastic, positive thoughts?
I find myself reading your posts multiple times lately because so much resonates (like how I am your mom...and I can’t stop talking to random people). I’ll be doing the same with this one. In the meantime, I’m continuing to pray for you and Bryan and his lymph nodes and blood and hair follicles. All the things. And if you need to laugh a little, try singing Creep in a non-native English speaking accent. One of our favorite Mexican restaurants used to have a guy who covered songs on Friday and Saturday nights. Imagine the octave Crash Test Dummies frequently used. Creep was our favorite:
“But I’m a cweep
I’m a veirdo-o-ohhhh
Vhat the hell I’m doing here?
I don’t belong here”
He also dropped “so f*cking special” every single time like there weren’t 20 kids in the house (be sure to hit that hard “g” at the end of that word as well as “doing” and “belong”).
This is the best - I am inhabiting Friday cover night at the Mexican restaurant - Paloma and carne asada in hand - The band is playing the opening riff to a Smashing Pumpkins ditty
"I find myself reading your posts multiple times lately because so much resonates (like how I am your mom...and I can’t stop talking to random people)."
Thank you for saying so. And yes, I've noticed from your stories that you're a lot like my mom! It's such a gift to be outgoing while also being kind and thoughtful. Anyone can be chatty and make conversation, but people like you and my mom genuinely engage, and I love that.
Hmm, I’m a pretty new subscriber and when I first saw this “special programming” related to cancer I thought: maybe I’ll just skip this. But I read today’s piece in full and I’m going to stay on this ride with you guys. I don’t know that I’ll have anything helpful to add, other than letting you know that another stranger wishes you both well and is rooting for you and sympathizing with you along the way.
I'm really sorry to hear this. As always you are both in my thoughts. ♥️
Thanks, Rocco!
Ugh Jen - I felt like I was reliving my dads experience reading this update and my heart breaks. And the Radiohead lyrics exactly describes that experience of waiting in rooms, waiting for phone calls… all the clear signs of disruption and things feeling out of whack and sync. I’ll be praying for you, Bryan, and especially Ruthie and Thomas for strength, patience when answers aren’t coming or answers that you wished were different, and most importantly faith and hope. Faith that this journey for each of you and as a family is precious and intentional and hope for winning and fighting. Love you! Here if you ever need. Here to let you know that there’s a reader on the other side who reads your words in a way that was never well articulated for my own experience and being able to live through yours.
"Here to let you know that there’s a reader on the other side who reads your words in a way that was never well articulated for my own experience and being able to live through yours."
Thank you for your prayers and these kind words, Jiwon. I often wonder if I'm oversharing to the point of causing others to relive past trauma, but my hope is always that it will resonate with someone else who may be experiencing (or has experienced) something similar. Thanks for sharing this.
Thank you also for introducing us to the very delicious chicken congee! So so good.
Sorry to hear this! Sending all the healing energy I’ve got from out here in flyover country.
Thanks kevin! Do Minnesotans still call Wisconsinites Cheese Heads?? LOL
Lol. Yep!
Stress, anxiety, grief ... I have a lifetime of coping mechanisms that involve food.
1. Copious amounts of boxed mashed potatoes. Toss some garlic powder and dried chives and they’re “fancy taters.” I’ve eaten them straight out of the pan, which might downgrade their fancy grading but the heart wants what it wants.
2. Clear out everything in the Trader Joe’s frozen food section without shame. It’ll be like eating everything off an Applebee’s appetizer menu. But probably fresher. Get that Thai Green Curry. That little spinach artichoke frozen dip circle. Their frozen potstickers are shockingly good -- just toss in a pan with oil and once one side is crispy, toss 1/3 cup water into the hot pan and cover while they “steam” the rest of the way.
3. Any kind of macaroni and cheese on repeat with or without fish sticks and ketchup, depending on your feelings about fish here.
Besides food, I watch perfectly curated movies from the 1950s and 60s. Perfect escapism fodder. That Touch of Mink. Pillow Talk. Young at Heart. Note: Doris Day is my Escapist Queen. Also there’s The Long, Long Trailer.
In all seriousness, I am sitting in my living room and reading this update and I realize I don’t know you. But even still, my mind starts thinking about a great meatball recipe that would be easy to drop off. So, internet friend, this is all to say that your writing helps make it feel like I kind of do know you a smidge. In your last post, I sent a small “vibey thought prayer” that if writing is a portal to pull you through this time, let it be that. Or leave that work to mashed potatoes. I’ll be asking the trees on my property to send one of those cool electrical impulse messages to the nearest tree to you and the family. 🌲 🫶🧡
All solid food recommendations, and I'm actually heading to TJs later today (we're a big fan of the soup dumplings). I rarely make mashed potatoes because of the effort, so the boxed route seems like a great way to go! Re movies, I watch thriller and action movies for comfort -- bonus if there's a spycraft element to it. I'm working on an essay draft about this.
We're friends, and I wish I could receive a meatball dish personally delivered by you. I think we might be "bosom friends" in the Anne of Green Gables kinda way. I know you've already seen this, but I sat down to write a note to you about my favorite tree and a poem came out:
https://substack.com/profile/10766031-jen-zug/note/c-15059656
Did you say Anne of Green Gables?? 🤩
💙💙💙
I am so sorry about the latest news. I am thinking about your family lots and sending good vibes to you. 🌷
Ideas:
1. My latest binge that I LOVED: Beef on Netflix.
2. Phone Free Tuesdays (or whatever day makes sense for the fam) as a way to unplug and just focus on each other*
3. Geocaching as a way to find new walking routes and gives a fun sense of achievement.
*note I typed this on my phone while my family is all on their phones but we are all watching the Kraken so maybe that’s something. 😉
BEEF on Netflix is soooooo goood - Binged it as soon as I got home from the hospital last week
We haven't geocached in years, so thanks for the fun idea and reminder!
Ah damn, friends - did not want that to be the case. I see the stress and grief and fierce love in your eyes Jen. Keeping you all in my heart ❤️❤️
Thank you, friend.
I’m sorry for this news. Sending love and recovery prayers. ♥️
ugh. I don't have words, and I almost always have words.
I do have baked goods. Do you like baked goods? I feel like carbs are clutch in the grief process. What kind of baked goods to you guys like?
We love baked goods! Carbs are the ultimate numbing agent! Gooey cookies... I see you made bread pudding recently (YUM)... banana bread... or you could surprise us! Just no nuts while Bryan's insides are healing. I'll text you.
First off, sending love and good health vibes your way. I’m sorry this isn’t the news that you hoped for and Radiohead always gets the vibe so yes to music. Yes to remembering people like your mom who had their own brand of walking the world with extraversion and small talk, laughter through the discomfort, that while even if that’s not you, it leaves a mark that says this is how it can be, you get to control that part.
Next, my coping brain-
Binge & comfort therapy:
1) The Diplomat on Netflix- So distractingly ridiculous of a political narrative that you can’t pull your eyes away
2) Chicken Soup - always.
💜💜💓
Thanks for The Diplomat recommendation -- we started binging it last night and it's a perfect distraction!
Yay! Get to talk to someone about it. I just finished. It made me miss “The Americans” - an FX Soviet spy husband-wife team thriller taking place the early 80s DC that just was so good!! Not to mention it was Keri and her real life future hubby, Matthew Rhys. This one is entertaining and it leaves in a good setup for season 2. Also in the thriller genre, watching Jennifer Garner on Apple TV+ in “The last thing he told me” mostly out of allegiance to the book which I finished in a day
omg yes to all of this. I also read “The Last Thing He Told Me” in record time, and the show has been surprisingly good for a book adaptation!! Way better than the series adaptation of “Pieces of Her.”
We were big fans of The Americans, too. Currently also watching Perry Mason with Matthew Rhys.
I’m still wishing “the last thing he told me” was two episodes a week release. It’s not enough. Have you guys watched “Tetris” yet? I feel like you may have written about it so apologies if yes. It’s been a month of celebrating my son’s bar mitzvah and my brain is jet lagged and also just in “where am I?” mode. You mentioned Brian being a nerd and even not being a nerd, it’s a fun and beautiful story starring a super tale eyed Taron Egerton...For musical theater geeks, “Schmigadoon” all the way!
So sorry to hear the additional diagnosis. You are both loved and thought of often. I appreciate you paying attention and telling the story 💕
*kiss emoji*
What a sucker punch. I'm really sorry to hear this.
PS the title is great
Thank you for mentioning the title -- it was a last minute change and i'm very pleased with myself! LOL
I thought it was really smart 😆
Sending love and strength from across the pond, Jen and Bryan. ♥️🏋️
Thank you. I FINALLY subscribed to your newsletter! I don't know why it took me so long.
Oh, how lovely! Welcome aboard, Jen - I'm delighted to have you! 😊
Well, this sucks. May I take some time to wallow with you before sending all my enthusiastic, positive thoughts?
I find myself reading your posts multiple times lately because so much resonates (like how I am your mom...and I can’t stop talking to random people). I’ll be doing the same with this one. In the meantime, I’m continuing to pray for you and Bryan and his lymph nodes and blood and hair follicles. All the things. And if you need to laugh a little, try singing Creep in a non-native English speaking accent. One of our favorite Mexican restaurants used to have a guy who covered songs on Friday and Saturday nights. Imagine the octave Crash Test Dummies frequently used. Creep was our favorite:
“But I’m a cweep
I’m a veirdo-o-ohhhh
Vhat the hell I’m doing here?
I don’t belong here”
He also dropped “so f*cking special” every single time like there weren’t 20 kids in the house (be sure to hit that hard “g” at the end of that word as well as “doing” and “belong”).
Love you guys!
This is the best - I am inhabiting Friday cover night at the Mexican restaurant - Paloma and carne asada in hand - The band is playing the opening riff to a Smashing Pumpkins ditty
The vuhld is a vampiuh, sent to dwain...
"I find myself reading your posts multiple times lately because so much resonates (like how I am your mom...and I can’t stop talking to random people)."
Thank you for saying so. And yes, I've noticed from your stories that you're a lot like my mom! It's such a gift to be outgoing while also being kind and thoughtful. Anyone can be chatty and make conversation, but people like you and my mom genuinely engage, and I love that.
Hmm, I’m a pretty new subscriber and when I first saw this “special programming” related to cancer I thought: maybe I’ll just skip this. But I read today’s piece in full and I’m going to stay on this ride with you guys. I don’t know that I’ll have anything helpful to add, other than letting you know that another stranger wishes you both well and is rooting for you and sympathizing with you along the way.
Wow, Tom... thank you for reading and for your comment. Thank you for your kind words and good vibes toward Bryan's health.
I'm so sorry to hear about this. Please keep us updated, and thanks for your willingness to share. Prayers for you both.
Hugs to you.