The Days Are Shorter and Darker

Let's be joyful motherfucking lights for each other.

Hi, it’s me.

Over the weekend I met a neighbor from around the corner. I know most of the folks on my own street, but a few neighbors who share a fence line with our backyard are still a mystery, even after six years in our house. The neighbor whose back patio butts up against our back patio (that’s what she said) knocked on our front door Saturday evening when it was so dark that I thought it was bedtime, but it was only 6:30pm. She introduced herself and the adorable baby that was dangling from her front carrier, said she was delivering cookies to neighbors, and offered me a bag of mini cookies she had baked with her toddler. 

We stood chatting on my small front stoop for awhile, and I asked her what prompted her Neighborhood Cookie Tour. She teared up a little and said the election results really had her down, and she decided to lean into community for comfort. I almost hugged her. Maybe I should have. Not sure how that would have gone over with the baby in the front carrier. 

Instead, I told her about our weekly fire night and invited her to come anytime. She said she would like that, and I could tell she meant it. In the face of our fear, we were opening ourselves up even more to the world, recognizing our need for each other.

Later that night, I had an online conversation with a different woman in the comment section of a local Seattle newsletter. She was expressing a deep fear of the world and all of the ways she perceived it was dangerous and harmful to herself and her children. She described wanting to put herself and her family behind a wall of protection to keep all the Bad People out. 

It wasn’t until the light of the next morning that I saw these two conversations as different sides of the same coin. Fear can drive us inward or outward. Fear can drive us to anger or vulnerability. Fear can drive us to fight for ourselves or fight for our collective. 

I’m trying to land in the living-outward category, but truthfully, I’m tired and want to crawl into bed and watch all three Gerard Butler Has Fallen movies¹ in a continuous loop while surrounded by my cats. But I guess maybe I need the world and it needs me. 

We need each other. 

In this season of darkness and despair, I hope you keep trying to live outward. Call a friend, deliver cookies to a neighbor, or invite a fellow colleague or parent out for coffee. Now is not the time to withdraw or isolate. The days are shorter and darker, literally and figuratively. We need to be a light for each other.

Stay gold, my friend. 

Until next time,

Jen

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What I’m Listening To

Joyful Motherfuckers, by Allison Russell

If you've got love in your heart, but it's way down in the dark
You better let it see the sun, this world is almost done
Grandma always told me love will conquer hate
I don't know if it's too late, I don't know if it's too late
Hey you, hey you, who you think I'm talking to?
Show 'em what you got in your heart

Bryan and I saw Allison Russell live at The Admiral in Bremerton last November, 2023. It was the day she learned she was nominated for a Grammy.

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Aren’t We One? by My Morning Jacket

I dreamt we were past all the judgment
Based on faith or the shade of our skin
I saw we were connected as people
All the same in the eyes of the sun
Aren't we one? Aren't we one?

Bryan and I saw My Morning Jacket with their vagina lights in Seattle at The Paramount, October 2021.

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What I’m Reading

🌼

Asha Dornfest

has me thinking about co-regulation:

Sitting here, post-election, I’m thinking about co-regulation. I’m imagining millions of jangled nervous systems setting each other off, like car alarms in a crowded parking lot.

I’m terrible at this and will definitely add to a concert of mental and emotional car alarms! Asha asks what stress feels like in our bodies. My spine clenches between my shoulder blades, and lately I’ve been feeling tightness in my upper chest.

🌼 One of the best books I’ve read on reconciling communities is I Never Thought of it That Way, by Mónica Guzmán. This is her personal story, but also a super practical guide for how to break through surface rhetoric and get to the heart of someone else’s perspective. If you’re experiencing conflict in your family or community and need a guide for how to navigate those relationships with love and curiosity, read this book. I highly recommend it. She also has a podcast.

1. Olympus Has Fallen, London Has Fallen, and Angel Has Fallen (wiki).