Your fire pit parties (as opposed to the fire pity parties), seem awesome! I love that you read the chapter there and couldn't read it! I can so relate as my eyesight is for shit! Thank goodness for E-readers and enlarging font sizes.
I haven't read all of the chapter yet, but am looking forward to finishing it and wracking my brain for a person who I think will hate it.
Thank you for making the time to read it - I know it's a long essay, the longest I've ever published here. As for the feedback, Tom framed it in a comment below much better than I did re "it's not for me" vs someone who hated it. 🤣 I have no chill. So you don't necessarily have to think of someone who will *hate* it.
I love our fire nights and how the experience has formed organically over the years. Last night we had about 10 people, multi-generational age 17 - 74 and had a super deep conversation. If you're ever in Seattle on a Thursday, you're invited!
I will for sure take you up on that! I could only fit 6 people max around my fire pit (which is a propane one), but it is such a calming, balming place to spend time in the evenings. Ha, "I have no chill," is that what the kids are saying these days?🤣
I love this, Jen. It's a given your book will be amazing. Having published my first book, I can speak from experience that a good editor will tighten up/polish/embellish your words, a Godsend for sure. But you have to have the heart of the story in place first, which YOU DO! It's wonderful. Stay the course, and I will be one of the first to purchase it when it's released.
Also, we have a fire pit we use all the time, and our neighbors and friends love to gather with us for happy hours or dinners. Isn't it the best? Kindred spirits! 💛
The heart of the story -- yes, thank you for this. I feel confident I have the heart of the story and I very much look forward to utilizing the expertise of a good developmental editor.
Oh wow, this was really fun. I saved it for when I had the right time and mind-space. And I wasn’t far into it when I realized what I like about your writing, which is to say what I like about you: that you dive into the deep end. I think I’m like that too. It’s too freaking boring in the shallow end. Anyway, as always, your writing voice conveys this beautifully, and I think you’ve perfectly prepared the reader for what I expect is to come. No one can read this introduction and tell them they weren’t warned.
Having said all that, I will say that the book is probably not for me, and it’s not because I’m old and have already done all the good/damage to my kids that I can do. No, it wouldn’t have been for young me either, for two (maybe related) reasons. First, I’m a guy and you are very clearly signaling that this is a book for Moms. There’s nothing wrong with that at all, but it does tell me that it’s not for me. It’s always not for me because for whatever reason, I don’t struggle with self-doubt or second-guess myself very much, and you’ve also signaled that this book is for people who worry about whether they are doing it right. I (like you) always figured things were gonna work out so I’d just do my best.
I can think of a few people who would probably enjoy this book (or would have when their kids were younger), for sure. I’d tell them it’s funny and it makes a convincing case that you can’t screw parenting up too bad if you love your kids and give them your time. I wouldn’t tell them to quit being so damned neurotic about parenting and lighten up!
Anyway, I liked it. Hope it continues to go well for you.
Tom! The specificity of your feedback is such a gift!! Thank you so much for making the time to read and absorb it and to provide this feedback. I'm buying you a beverage on Sunday!
"Having said all that, I will say that the book is probably not for me..." Everything you articulated in this paragraph feels very validating in terms of the reader I'm hoping to target: moms, the self-doubters, the worriers. Your confirmation gives me confidence to fully lean into this and not try to be everything to everyone as I tell the story.
Oh, you're very welcome. I really love giving feedback (mostly when I genuinely like the writing!), because I know as a writer it's so hard to find. I'm glad you felt validated in the approach you're taking, cuz I think it's a good one. It fits you really well. I know I'm happiest with my writing when I really inhabit who I am and don't try to reshape myself to fit some perception of who I should be, or try to please everybody. That just drains the life from writing.
1. I can definitely expect to laugh a lot. As someone who is considering becoming a parent, it makes me feel better to know that somebody else has these fears/thoughts/emotions.
2. I actually think my mother-in-law would LOVE this. She would get a kick out of the faux-scandalous Amy Schumer parts and relate hard to the *shrug emoji*
3. I think the type of people who would hate this book are the people who don't like oversharing (which, to be frank, why are you reading a memoir??), parents who refuse to acknowledge negativity about the parenting experience, and people who don't want to think about the way they were parented or their own parenting.
4. Review: I loved this and am excited to read it! I got a little lost after you introduced the shrug emoji and had to reread to recenter myself in the story. Loved the parentheticals (because, I, too, am a person with so many asides) and look forward to reading the rest!
5. Quick edits: The intro quote incorrectly cites the title of the book. It should be "Lessons" not "Lesson." There's a period inside and outside of a parenthesis. One should go at the end of the sentence before the parenthetical and one inside of the parenthetical, or at least that's what my English Teacher Brain noticed.
6. Feedback for consideration: I think the Anne Lamott joke should be a little shorter/punchier to make it really land, or consider cutting it.
"Sometimes we don’t need expert advice, we just want to know we’re not alone."
I think every parent needs to hear this at least once- especially in a world now populated with online influencers in perfectly decorated homes with spotless trucks in the driveway. Parenting advice is largely performative, whereas reality is much messier (and with the benefit of hindsight, much more fun).
IMO, your intro says this book is for:
- Expectant parents that have no idea what they're about to be in for.
-People who have been bombarded with made-for-Instagram ideas about the 'correct' way to raise kids, and are left feeling "less than."
-Any parent wondering, "am I doing this right?"
Who would hate this? LuluLemon moms, anyone that's never stepped on Legos, people who overuse the phrase 'Momma bear' and anyone making a living selling an unrealistic ideal of parenting.
In the comments (or you can reply to the email), I’d love to know if…
- this intro gives you a good idea of what’s to come. If it doesn’t, what do you think is missing?
- based on this intro, you can think of someone in your life you’d want to give this book to, and why.
- based on this intro, you can think of someone you know who would hate this book or at least not appreciate it, and why.
Priceless! I am sorry we weren’t there for the big reveal.
I’ve already sent it to several ppl—our kids included (maybe they will get a taste of how hard it was).
Great illustration—rowing backwards (you might add doing it with a blindfold!).
I’m salivating for the next chapters! Keep going.
Next time I decide to narrate an essay I'll give you a heads up for fire night! And thanks for passing it along to others.
Your fire pit parties (as opposed to the fire pity parties), seem awesome! I love that you read the chapter there and couldn't read it! I can so relate as my eyesight is for shit! Thank goodness for E-readers and enlarging font sizes.
I haven't read all of the chapter yet, but am looking forward to finishing it and wracking my brain for a person who I think will hate it.
Congrats on the chapter!
Thank you for making the time to read it - I know it's a long essay, the longest I've ever published here. As for the feedback, Tom framed it in a comment below much better than I did re "it's not for me" vs someone who hated it. 🤣 I have no chill. So you don't necessarily have to think of someone who will *hate* it.
I love our fire nights and how the experience has formed organically over the years. Last night we had about 10 people, multi-generational age 17 - 74 and had a super deep conversation. If you're ever in Seattle on a Thursday, you're invited!
I will for sure take you up on that! I could only fit 6 people max around my fire pit (which is a propane one), but it is such a calming, balming place to spend time in the evenings. Ha, "I have no chill," is that what the kids are saying these days?🤣
I love this, Jen. It's a given your book will be amazing. Having published my first book, I can speak from experience that a good editor will tighten up/polish/embellish your words, a Godsend for sure. But you have to have the heart of the story in place first, which YOU DO! It's wonderful. Stay the course, and I will be one of the first to purchase it when it's released.
Also, we have a fire pit we use all the time, and our neighbors and friends love to gather with us for happy hours or dinners. Isn't it the best? Kindred spirits! 💛
The heart of the story -- yes, thank you for this. I feel confident I have the heart of the story and I very much look forward to utilizing the expertise of a good developmental editor.
Oh wow, this was really fun. I saved it for when I had the right time and mind-space. And I wasn’t far into it when I realized what I like about your writing, which is to say what I like about you: that you dive into the deep end. I think I’m like that too. It’s too freaking boring in the shallow end. Anyway, as always, your writing voice conveys this beautifully, and I think you’ve perfectly prepared the reader for what I expect is to come. No one can read this introduction and tell them they weren’t warned.
Having said all that, I will say that the book is probably not for me, and it’s not because I’m old and have already done all the good/damage to my kids that I can do. No, it wouldn’t have been for young me either, for two (maybe related) reasons. First, I’m a guy and you are very clearly signaling that this is a book for Moms. There’s nothing wrong with that at all, but it does tell me that it’s not for me. It’s always not for me because for whatever reason, I don’t struggle with self-doubt or second-guess myself very much, and you’ve also signaled that this book is for people who worry about whether they are doing it right. I (like you) always figured things were gonna work out so I’d just do my best.
I can think of a few people who would probably enjoy this book (or would have when their kids were younger), for sure. I’d tell them it’s funny and it makes a convincing case that you can’t screw parenting up too bad if you love your kids and give them your time. I wouldn’t tell them to quit being so damned neurotic about parenting and lighten up!
Anyway, I liked it. Hope it continues to go well for you.
Tom! The specificity of your feedback is such a gift!! Thank you so much for making the time to read and absorb it and to provide this feedback. I'm buying you a beverage on Sunday!
"Having said all that, I will say that the book is probably not for me..." Everything you articulated in this paragraph feels very validating in terms of the reader I'm hoping to target: moms, the self-doubters, the worriers. Your confirmation gives me confidence to fully lean into this and not try to be everything to everyone as I tell the story.
Oh, you're very welcome. I really love giving feedback (mostly when I genuinely like the writing!), because I know as a writer it's so hard to find. I'm glad you felt validated in the approach you're taking, cuz I think it's a good one. It fits you really well. I know I'm happiest with my writing when I really inhabit who I am and don't try to reshape myself to fit some perception of who I should be, or try to please everybody. That just drains the life from writing.
1. I can definitely expect to laugh a lot. As someone who is considering becoming a parent, it makes me feel better to know that somebody else has these fears/thoughts/emotions.
2. I actually think my mother-in-law would LOVE this. She would get a kick out of the faux-scandalous Amy Schumer parts and relate hard to the *shrug emoji*
3. I think the type of people who would hate this book are the people who don't like oversharing (which, to be frank, why are you reading a memoir??), parents who refuse to acknowledge negativity about the parenting experience, and people who don't want to think about the way they were parented or their own parenting.
4. Review: I loved this and am excited to read it! I got a little lost after you introduced the shrug emoji and had to reread to recenter myself in the story. Loved the parentheticals (because, I, too, am a person with so many asides) and look forward to reading the rest!
5. Quick edits: The intro quote incorrectly cites the title of the book. It should be "Lessons" not "Lesson." There's a period inside and outside of a parenthesis. One should go at the end of the sentence before the parenthetical and one inside of the parenthetical, or at least that's what my English Teacher Brain noticed.
6. Feedback for consideration: I think the Anne Lamott joke should be a little shorter/punchier to make it really land, or consider cutting it.
#3 is huge. Anyone who says they haven't pondered leaving their kid at Target is either lying or has a whole team of hired help around them.
"Sometimes we don’t need expert advice, we just want to know we’re not alone."
I think every parent needs to hear this at least once- especially in a world now populated with online influencers in perfectly decorated homes with spotless trucks in the driveway. Parenting advice is largely performative, whereas reality is much messier (and with the benefit of hindsight, much more fun).
IMO, your intro says this book is for:
- Expectant parents that have no idea what they're about to be in for.
-People who have been bombarded with made-for-Instagram ideas about the 'correct' way to raise kids, and are left feeling "less than."
-Any parent wondering, "am I doing this right?"
Who would hate this? LuluLemon moms, anyone that's never stepped on Legos, people who overuse the phrase 'Momma bear' and anyone making a living selling an unrealistic ideal of parenting.