Actual Posts I've Made on My Local Facebook Buy Nothing Group

I can't be stopped

Hi, it’s me. I’ve been distracted this week and have a stew of half cooked essays that aren’t quite ready for you yet, so I’m pulling out a microwaveable post that I hope is equally satisfying even if it’s processed and convenient.

One of the distractions borrowing my focus is a home project Bryan and I have been working on over the past several weekends. After downsizing twice (from five bedrooms and 2,200 square feet to two bedrooms and 1,200 square feet) and closing a business, we finally got around to clearing a bunch of stuff out of our shop to make room for Bryan’s studio.

Yes, that is an original 1981 coin-op Tempest cabinet arcade game in the background. And it works.

I’ve turned giving away free stuff into a game. Nay, a challenge! I’ve put some questionable things on the street in front of my house with a FREE sign on it. A tire swing, a giant metal filing cabinet, a cat-scratched side chair, a double hand-me-down rug that got rained on, an Ikea cabinet missing shelves… the list goes on. All of it: gone, like cut up donuts in a church basement.¹

In addition to the curbside tactic, I’ve also posted to our local Facebook Buy Nothing group. If you’re not familiar with this group, it’s a hyperlocal source for giving away and finding free stuff — no selling, no bartering, no info sharing. It’s neighborhood based, and most groups are less hostile than NextDoor groups.

So for your pleasure and entertainment, here are actual posts I’ve written for Facebook Buy Nothing to get rid of stuff:

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Sometimes it’s not worth the hassle.

“I got sucked into fridge organizing TikTok and bought these egg containers as a result. My family hates them and I can’t listen to them complaining about “what’s wrong with the cartons the eggs come in” anymore.”

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I genuinely wanted to love it.

“Gifting a queen sized weighted blanket. Everybody raves about weighted blankets — including my husband. I personally don’t think being held down and suffocated is relaxing or mentally soothing, but maybe it’s your thing. Comes from a dog and cat home.”

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Save us from ourselves.

“We used this for only one project, which was to trim our tall laurel hedge. It just showed up at our house one day, and my husband set it up and stood on it like he had not a care in the world. In reality, he is “don’t go above the third rung of the ladder” years old, and I would like to get this out of my garage. It is assembled. You will need to unassemble it or bring a truck that can haul it. Alternatively, it is on wheels, so if you live close enough you can just roll it home. Please, millennials in this group, help a couple GenXers act their age by staying off tall platforms.”

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Good intentions, though.

“Anybody want some safflower oil? Someone in this household who shall remain nameless wanted to start making homemade mayo but didn’t get very far. I want it out of my pantry.”

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My misplaced ambition, your gain.

“Gifting jalapeño peppers that I don’t have the energy to preserve. Spring Jen wondered if six (6!!!) plants “would be enough” and Fall Jen is like, “Calm down, Spring Jen. Have you even met me?” Feel free to swing by and fill your pockets (let’s get Pocket Peppers trending!) — they are sitting out by my mailbox.”

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No carrot left behind.

“I thinned out my carrot seedlings today and I’m giving away the extras. Most people trim off the tops and let the roots die a slow death, deprived of any leaves to photosynthesize the sun. They basically cut the heads off of baby carrots. But I’m not a monster! I pulled them instead, because #NoCarrotLeftBehind. You’re welcome to try growing them - they don’t love having their roots disturbed but you’ll never know unless you try! The variety is Cosmic Purple.”

So there you go, a writer is never not writing, amiright?

How are you doing? How’s your week been? Got any projects you’re working on? Let’s chat in the comments.

Until next time,

Jen

1. Titus Andromedon, from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt