Good Morning From the Red Couch
Good Morning From the Red Couch
Sharing a few thoughts on Prince Harry's memoir, Spare.
Hi, it’s me.
Good morning from my spot on the red couch where I’m looking out the front window across my garden, watching the sun rise and the hummingbirds greet me at the red feeder. Never mind the pile of freshly laundered pillows and blankets that I rescued from the back of a closet during a recent deep cleaning frenzy. Some of these are going to the Goodwill; some of them—like the pink blanket on top that Bryan’s cousin made for Ruthie when she was born—are memories I need to find a place for.
As you may recall, I’ve had a crazy work schedule this summer.1 The good news is, after delivering on my latest two deadlines—one on August 9th and one on August 16th—I can feel my work days settling back into old rhythms, the adrenaline rush of a grueling schedule leaving my body. My last complicated deadline is mid-September, right before my 53rd birthday and the 2nd anniversary of launching this newsletter. I’m ready for a break.
In other news, I just finished listening to the audio book of Spare, by Prince Harry. It was a long “read,” but Harry kept me company while I cleaned, gardened, and walked the dog.
I don’t follow royal news and had no interest in reading this book when it first came out last year, but at some point I learned the context of Harry as the “spare”—as in, a backup to the heir. The spare to the heir of the throne. As a youngest child myself, an “oops” baby born when my mom already had two middle schoolers, I immediately felt connected to the idea of being a spare and was intrigued to learn more about this Prince’s perspective on growing up in a broken home as a kid who felt like an afterthought.
If you can get past the royalness of it all, there’s a lot to relate to in this story —
complicated family relationships, brotherly love and competition, a dad who is distant and overly concerned about his own reputation at the expense of yours
working through grief from a young age, so young that you don’t even understand that the water you’re swimming in is grief
being a youngest child, a wild child, and a misunderstood child who doesn’t fit the family mold
fighting for your sense of self against the expectations of protocol and bureaucracy
the parallels to church splits, toxic work environments, and family factions
creating distance to guard your mental health and wellbeing
searching for purpose and continuing to learn more about who you are and what you’re good at
discovering your own identity apart from the identity you’ve been assigned
accepting pain for yourself, but springing into action when you see the pain inflicted on someone you love
breaking free, getting out, ending the cycle for generations that come after you
I could go on. Glad I read it—I mean, listened to it on audio. I hope Megan and Harry are finding peace.
Because I’m also writing a memoir, I paid attention to the structure of the book as well.2 Like how, as he told his story, he would lay out small details without calling much attention to them. They were just part of the story and seemingly inconsequential. Then a big reveal would be made and you’d see how those small details paved the way for you to understand how he got to this new place, this new understanding, this new conviction.
“Ahhhh… I see it,” I thought many times. “Obviously.”
I enjoyed that I, the reader, was treated with respect and not spoon-fed the point or over-communicated to—like I was participating in Harry’s journey of discovery, not reading an account of it after the fact.
Something to keep in mind as I continue writing my first draft, which I hope to pick up again this fall.
Anyway, I hope you are well.
What are you reading, watching, or listening to these days? Is your summer winding down? Do you have a favorite memory from it that you’re carrying forward into the Fall?
Until next time,
Jen
p.s. I’m making plans for a return to regular newslettering in September! Crossing my fingers that all goes well with that. 🤞
What’s happening in my garden this week ☀️
The garden is finally looking full and lush, so here are a few of my favorite angles. After not preserving anything last year (the cancer year), I’ve been enjoying the quiet routine of freezing, pickling, and canning.
Yes, I know it was ghost written. My compliments to the author.
I enjoyed “Spare” as well. And listened to it too!
The nature of the sexual details less and freezing appendage less so but still there’s a part in the beginning where he acknowledges the fallibility of
Memory and it really was an inflection point for me in allowing myself permission to put my personal writing out there and worry less about getting it right. I haven’t heard a ton of authors do that and i appreciated his earnestness with this first fundamental part of memoir writing and reflection.
Glad Spare was useful for you. Congrats on the draft of your memoir!