If I was at the chat, I'd pick anger. I get that it's an easy answer and an emotion easily bundled with things like annoyance and irritation. But it's also one that I've grappled with the most. In a lot of ways, I was the sterotypical angry young man. The things that ticked me off at 18 are laughable now at (almost) 50, but still...
One of the things I learned about anger is that it’s a response to thwarted or delayed expectations – whether real or perceived. Once I read that, it all clicked for me. I was basically road-raging my way through life every time someone cut me off. So yeah, me too… a lot of things that ticked me off at 18 are no big whoop these days!
That’s a great way to frame it- with the benefit of age, a lot of what pissed me off really was down to missed expectations. A lot of feeling slighted (for lack of a better term).
Thanks Cindy. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this one. Mostly because anger I’m not sure I fully understand but can connect it to root emotions!
This is a powerful question. I want to say anger too, as I’ve been learning a little about my Enneagram type (9) and my stellar ability to avoid dealing with conflict until it boils over into rage….but I don’t think I understand it yet. Is grief an emotion? That one I get.
I would say grief is an emotion! I understand that one well, too. So well, in fact, that I recently found an experience of grief…comforting? If not comforting, per se, at least I understood and trusted the process enough to let myself experience it without fighting it or stuffing it down.
Damn, this really got me thinking! I went off in search of a list of basic emotions. There are 6, and yet none of these six really seemed to resonate with me. I know anger and happiness pretty well, but can’t commit to either as my dominant emotion. I’d go for equanimity or optimism … but I don’t know that these really qualify as emotions. Perhaps mine is the state of being noncommittal?
So would you say anger and happiness are the emotions you *understand* more than all the others (regardless of whatever emotions you feel the most)?
I love that you named happiness, because I automatically went to a negative emotion (per my typical Eeyore personality). And now I’m convinced happiness is my *least* understood emotion. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we *all* had a better understanding of what made us happy?!
yeah, I like that distinction. I used to be angry quite a bit, but it kept me from the happiness that I always felt around the edges. As I’ve learned to let anger go (and I largely have), happiness/contentment has filled the gaps. It’s just fucking aging—I learn that the anger isn’t worth it. This is a really interesting way you’ve posed this question.
Interesting comments about anger. I often say that I get angry when I am hurt. Hurt is vulnerable and when you feel it you don't want to express that vulnerability, I don't anyway, so I get mad and hide behind that wall. I have told my husband many times to hear my anger as hurt and respond to it that way. He is not great at it honestly, he gets defensive instead. Which I think is normal. (is this fireside chat turning into a counseling session?) I think this is my personal super power, to hear the hurt and frustration coming from someone angry rather than the mean spirit. Of course at this point in my life I have come to learn some people really are mean but the majority of people just need a hug.
Interestingly I have aways thought of fear going with pride rather than anger but this makes sense too. I think of fear creating a need for control and being prideful of keeping everything safe. But I totally see how if you didn't have a personality that could keep control of all that fear it would turn to anger. Actually as I think about it I have definitely been on the receiving side of anger that was probably a fear threatening to get out of control.
Who knew anger was attached to so many emotions. (besides probably ever person who has ever taken a psychology class.)
Interesting question, and I guess I'd have to say sorrow, although I'm not sure that really describes me accurately. I'm comfortable with emotion and tears, whether they surface from anger, sadness, loss, grief, nostalgia, or even anger.
If I was at the chat, I'd pick anger. I get that it's an easy answer and an emotion easily bundled with things like annoyance and irritation. But it's also one that I've grappled with the most. In a lot of ways, I was the sterotypical angry young man. The things that ticked me off at 18 are laughable now at (almost) 50, but still...
One of the things I learned about anger is that it’s a response to thwarted or delayed expectations – whether real or perceived. Once I read that, it all clicked for me. I was basically road-raging my way through life every time someone cut me off. So yeah, me too… a lot of things that ticked me off at 18 are no big whoop these days!
That’s a great way to frame it- with the benefit of age, a lot of what pissed me off really was down to missed expectations. A lot of feeling slighted (for lack of a better term).
I’d go with fear. Anger is the response. It stems from
Fear - fear of saying out loud how I feel, fear of disappointing myself and others, fear of letting people down, and it all manifests as anger. 😡
I was going to reply "fear" and then Beth said all that I would have. Thanks, Beth!
Thanks Cindy. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this one. Mostly because anger I’m not sure I fully understand but can connect it to root emotions!
Wow, yes. I can see fear and anger having a strong connection!
This is a powerful question. I want to say anger too, as I’ve been learning a little about my Enneagram type (9) and my stellar ability to avoid dealing with conflict until it boils over into rage….but I don’t think I understand it yet. Is grief an emotion? That one I get.
I would say grief is an emotion! I understand that one well, too. So well, in fact, that I recently found an experience of grief…comforting? If not comforting, per se, at least I understood and trusted the process enough to let myself experience it without fighting it or stuffing it down.
Also, I’m an Enneagram 6!
Gonna keep this one in my file --->
"These days I’m free from being controlled by my anger. Instead, I use it as a measured tool directed toward injustice and assholery."
Damn, this really got me thinking! I went off in search of a list of basic emotions. There are 6, and yet none of these six really seemed to resonate with me. I know anger and happiness pretty well, but can’t commit to either as my dominant emotion. I’d go for equanimity or optimism … but I don’t know that these really qualify as emotions. Perhaps mine is the state of being noncommittal?
So would you say anger and happiness are the emotions you *understand* more than all the others (regardless of whatever emotions you feel the most)?
I love that you named happiness, because I automatically went to a negative emotion (per my typical Eeyore personality). And now I’m convinced happiness is my *least* understood emotion. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we *all* had a better understanding of what made us happy?!
yeah, I like that distinction. I used to be angry quite a bit, but it kept me from the happiness that I always felt around the edges. As I’ve learned to let anger go (and I largely have), happiness/contentment has filled the gaps. It’s just fucking aging—I learn that the anger isn’t worth it. This is a really interesting way you’ve posed this question.
Interesting comments about anger. I often say that I get angry when I am hurt. Hurt is vulnerable and when you feel it you don't want to express that vulnerability, I don't anyway, so I get mad and hide behind that wall. I have told my husband many times to hear my anger as hurt and respond to it that way. He is not great at it honestly, he gets defensive instead. Which I think is normal. (is this fireside chat turning into a counseling session?) I think this is my personal super power, to hear the hurt and frustration coming from someone angry rather than the mean spirit. Of course at this point in my life I have come to learn some people really are mean but the majority of people just need a hug.
Interestingly I have aways thought of fear going with pride rather than anger but this makes sense too. I think of fear creating a need for control and being prideful of keeping everything safe. But I totally see how if you didn't have a personality that could keep control of all that fear it would turn to anger. Actually as I think about it I have definitely been on the receiving side of anger that was probably a fear threatening to get out of control.
Who knew anger was attached to so many emotions. (besides probably ever person who has ever taken a psychology class.)
Interesting question, and I guess I'd have to say sorrow, although I'm not sure that really describes me accurately. I'm comfortable with emotion and tears, whether they surface from anger, sadness, loss, grief, nostalgia, or even anger.