Love this and also, go Bryan. He’s so right on! You probably know this. Hang in there. Forgetting is the worse. I have the same thoughts here and there of how many good years left but my hubby in his early 50s feels it a lot more. 50
Is a couple of years off and he’s like, “just wait…” I want to feel this good and hopeful forever. I hope it doesn’t go away.
Menopause (peri and full on) IS a blink, and the prize at the end is huge! My mother, who lived 102 years, said her 80s were her favorite decade. I'm 73, and—national s***show aside—this is my favorite. So much personal freedom, the body aches don't even matter. It feels like the first time I've been able to live in the moment.
I turned 50 last week. I'm in one of the hardest seasons I've ever faced. I moved 3,000 miles away from all my friends to live next door to my parents. It's been wonderful to live this close, but I desperately miss my friends. Making friends in midlife is rough. I also left a church job that I had for 7 years and am adrift with that. I haven't had a job here yet, and I'm trying to figure out what to do.
I feel this, and I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling isolated. Sometimes when I think about moving out of Seattle, I panic because of the community I’ve built here over the last 35 years. We moved into our current neighborhood seven years ago, and I’ve only recently felt like my neighbors are becoming friends. It takes awhile.
I hear you. Everyone is different. I’m 61 and have many issues that seem to get worse as I age. I was forced into menopause at 53 and still get hot flashes-light. Increasing my anti depressant dose was a game changer. With osteoarthritis you probably know about not eating inflammatory foods. Stick to that diet. It helps. 🙏🙏
Yes, anti-inflammatory eating definitely helps. I’ve also (mostly) cut sugar and alcohol. Still trying to figure out if/what medication helps. I’ve never been one to medicate much, but now I’m on HRT and ADHD meds.
Look at how you are rocking that garden! That is something that will continue to nurture you just as you nurture it.
Menopause was not fun (started at 50) and has lasted forever. I decided not to do hormones and I still get hot flashes. But it is just something that comes and goes and I live with it. The other symptoms definitely got better over time. I turned 68 today and still feel a bit astonished when I say that number.
Over the last 15 years I have worked to get in much better physical shape than I had been. I am more fit now than I have been since I was in my twenties. I walk almost every day and do online class weight training 3-4 times a week. I find the work put into physical strength translates into all other types of confidence to participate in social and other activities (like gardening, cycling, hikes & snowshoeing with my adult kids).
Anyway, it DOES get better (just like we tell the kids) in part because we start caring less and less about the trivial stuff and have more clarity about the people and relationships that matter. And big echo to what Gretchen said! Hang in there!
Thank you for this—I look forward to it getting better! I know I need to step up my physical strength game! It’s the main thing I keep procrastinating even though I know in my rational mind that exercise is the most impactful to my mental and physical health. I have a hard time getting past the inertia of depression and brain fog to do it, though.
I’ve been on a hellish peri-post meno journey the last four years. I’ve done BEYOND normal amounts of research to, primarily, combat sudden, debilitating joint pain and catastrophic insomnia. My docs have been on the receiving end of Pub Med articles & all. (Yes, I recognize & affirm my use of dramatic adjectives)
I have had some success, as of late. Message me if you ever want to grab coffee. Otherwise, I’ll be praying for you. The struggle is real, and it’s worth every effort to reclaim your life. Wishing you wellness and amazing sleep!
P.s. It seems we share another thing in common— albeit not as fun as NPOs, writing, or gardening! Amazing!
Oh yes, the onset of insomnia was rough! I didn’t even mention that in my article! After a lifetime of being a great sleeper, I started waking up at 3am every night, not being able to get back to sleep. The progesterone part of my HRT has really helped with that.
And on your p.s., You are one of those people who fit the category of “my favorite people I never see.” 😂 Would love to connect Sept or Oct (getting ready to travel soon).
There are so many wonderful role models we can learn from, how blessed are we? I have always been a believer of not settling, which has meant I'm willing to try just about anything if I want something to change. And typically I hit upon something that works, but sometimes after many tries. I know if you are working full time, it can be difficult to find the time. But for whatever it may be worth, I'm turning 70 this November. I began teaching yoga about three years ago, but in the last year I've been teaching more, which means I'm practicing yoga much more than I was. And my energy level is higher than it's been in years, not to mention it helps with the physical aches and pains of aging. I've always been an advocate of yoga, but the experience of this last year is truly eye opening. Maybe even just 10 minutes of stretching and deep breathing whenever you are feeling blue or in pain. Wish you lived closer, I'd come practice with you.
I would love so much to do yoga with you! Hot Hatha is my favorite form of exercise, but I have a hard time getting out the door. But this is a good prompt for me to try again—I’m surrounded by yoga studios.
Also, completely impressed that you started teaching so late in life! I’m inspired!
First of all, I love your garden. I know that wasn’t what you were writing about, but I think that being able to garden, or even to live in a space where you can have a garden is one of the great parts of being the age you are. As one gets older, they sometimes have to move to smaller spaces where they can’t have glorious gardens. Yes, I’m talking about myself. I now have small spaces that I can’t keep up like I once did now that I’m 80, but I still love my small, little, impossible garden. I remember 50. I started a new career that year, but I also remember how old I felt. I look back now and realize it was because of all those hormonal changes that really do change our bodies and minds and it is a shock! Now, I feel younger than I have for years. I’m not quite sure why, but I think it because I keep on doing all I can because I don’t want to be relegated to the rocking chair like I see so many in age group doing. I also think it is because I keep that 40 mindset going: I’m in my prime. That’s what they said 40 was all about, and hey, I didn’t want to give up being in my prime. I love the freedom I have at this age to do what I want when I want with no demands of a job, children, or outside expectations. I do Pilates once a week and that has made the greatest difference in my life so far when it comes to keeping my mental and physical fitness strong.
I’ve been hearing a lot of folks saying they feel better in their 70s/80s than they have their whole lives. This gives me hope! I’m so glad I published this essay, because the responses have really lifted my spirits.
Menopause sucks in all ways. I’m 53 and started peri mental pause in my mid 30’s and had a uterine ablation in my 40’s mostly because I felt like I was going to bleed to death. Then menopause at the same time as COVID! The worst. My brain has never recovered. I’ve had COVID at least 5 times with one exceptionally bad case. I left a high paying job for one a lot less stressful. My pay is finally up where I can live comfortably again. Not quite as many perks but less stress is necessary for me to function now.
I am still seeing a counselor weekly, a psych dr quarterly and am on a shit ton of medications to deal with my remaining issues.
I sometimes freak out a little when I know my life expectancy isn’t what it was. Probably by 10 to 15 years. But, I am just trying to live each day as best I can.
I’m so sorry. I think back at some struggles I had in my late 30s and 40s and wonder if it was peri. Nobody talked about it back then like they do now!
Hi Jen--I'm turning 48 in a week, and I've been experiencing perimenopause symptoms for several years now (of course, it took me forever to understand that since there's such a dearth of information out there). I'm currently taking progesterone and using an estrogen patch under the care of a naturopath; it's only been a few months, but I can feel the difference. (Also antidepressants and therapy, but that predates perimenopause.)
Returning to writing (after years of not really doing it and being filled with self-doubt/recrimination/hatred/you name it) has been the most life-changing non-medical thing I've done for my mental health. Also, whenever I get into a regular walking routine I feel so much better. I would love to explore more forms of exercise, but it takes me about five to ten business years to start something new, so that hasn't happened yet. I've been collaging as another form of artistic expression; it's soothing to listen to music or an audiobook and just clip and glue.
It's hard to endure the rollercoaster of moods. Sometimes I just go out for a bit by myself and drive or wander without purpose through a thrift store, just letting my thoughts breathe. I'm never happy to hear that someone else is feeling this garbage, but I'm glad to know I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing this essay.
😂 “five to ten business years” 😂 I so relate to that.
HRT has helped a lot with sleep, inflammation, and libido.
Thank you for sharing the other things you’re doing to care for yourself.
“Sometimes I just go out for a bit by myself and drive or wander without purpose through a thrift store, just letting my thoughts breathe.” <- This hits home. I’m strong in the taskmaster department, making it really difficult for me to just chill. I need to do more meandering. Thank you for sharing this!
One size does not fit all when it comes to Menopause so don't let comparison with others add to the burden of this time. Find a doctor who works with you and doesn't minimize what you are experiencing. I have had to try a variety of medications and supplements to take the edge off the worst of my symptoms. Sleep disruptions are super debilitating for me and unfortunately, I am on year 7 of hot flashes. Talking about these things is so important and I feel like I'm on a mission to normalize conversation about women's health issues. It still makes me smile to myself when I see how uncomfortable some men get when I make a comment about having a hot flash.
I've often thought it was a cruel joke of nature that menopause seems to ramp up at the same time kids are hitting the hormonal upheavals of the teen years. And I wonder if we would all be happier if we lived in multi-generational families; since I don't sleep anyway, I would be the perfect person to be up with that fussy baby :-)
I've learned to have a lot more grace for myself and my current limitations. I know that I will wake up with a different body each day and some days will just be more of a challenge. I don't push myself as hard as I used to and give myself more permission to rest. It's a work in progress.
Love this and also, go Bryan. He’s so right on! You probably know this. Hang in there. Forgetting is the worse. I have the same thoughts here and there of how many good years left but my hubby in his early 50s feels it a lot more. 50
Is a couple of years off and he’s like, “just wait…” I want to feel this good and hopeful forever. I hope it doesn’t go away.
Thanks for the comment. Trying to hang in there! In every other respect, I have loved being in my 50s.
Menopause (peri and full on) IS a blink, and the prize at the end is huge! My mother, who lived 102 years, said her 80s were her favorite decade. I'm 73, and—national s***show aside—this is my favorite. So much personal freedom, the body aches don't even matter. It feels like the first time I've been able to live in the moment.
Wow. Love this!
This is so encouraging to hear! Thank you for taking the time to comment. I look forward to getting through the middle of it!
I turned 50 last week. I'm in one of the hardest seasons I've ever faced. I moved 3,000 miles away from all my friends to live next door to my parents. It's been wonderful to live this close, but I desperately miss my friends. Making friends in midlife is rough. I also left a church job that I had for 7 years and am adrift with that. I haven't had a job here yet, and I'm trying to figure out what to do.
I cry a lot as well.
We just moved across country too. It was really tough. Starting to adjust but it’s slow.
Yes, it's been 3 years for me. I love where I live, it's absolutely gorgeous, but making friends has been a lot.
🙏🙏🙏
I feel this, and I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling isolated. Sometimes when I think about moving out of Seattle, I panic because of the community I’ve built here over the last 35 years. We moved into our current neighborhood seven years ago, and I’ve only recently felt like my neighbors are becoming friends. It takes awhile.
I hear you. Everyone is different. I’m 61 and have many issues that seem to get worse as I age. I was forced into menopause at 53 and still get hot flashes-light. Increasing my anti depressant dose was a game changer. With osteoarthritis you probably know about not eating inflammatory foods. Stick to that diet. It helps. 🙏🙏
Yes, anti-inflammatory eating definitely helps. I’ve also (mostly) cut sugar and alcohol. Still trying to figure out if/what medication helps. I’ve never been one to medicate much, but now I’m on HRT and ADHD meds.
Look at how you are rocking that garden! That is something that will continue to nurture you just as you nurture it.
Menopause was not fun (started at 50) and has lasted forever. I decided not to do hormones and I still get hot flashes. But it is just something that comes and goes and I live with it. The other symptoms definitely got better over time. I turned 68 today and still feel a bit astonished when I say that number.
Over the last 15 years I have worked to get in much better physical shape than I had been. I am more fit now than I have been since I was in my twenties. I walk almost every day and do online class weight training 3-4 times a week. I find the work put into physical strength translates into all other types of confidence to participate in social and other activities (like gardening, cycling, hikes & snowshoeing with my adult kids).
Anyway, it DOES get better (just like we tell the kids) in part because we start caring less and less about the trivial stuff and have more clarity about the people and relationships that matter. And big echo to what Gretchen said! Hang in there!
Thank you for this—I look forward to it getting better! I know I need to step up my physical strength game! It’s the main thing I keep procrastinating even though I know in my rational mind that exercise is the most impactful to my mental and physical health. I have a hard time getting past the inertia of depression and brain fog to do it, though.
I’ve been on a hellish peri-post meno journey the last four years. I’ve done BEYOND normal amounts of research to, primarily, combat sudden, debilitating joint pain and catastrophic insomnia. My docs have been on the receiving end of Pub Med articles & all. (Yes, I recognize & affirm my use of dramatic adjectives)
I have had some success, as of late. Message me if you ever want to grab coffee. Otherwise, I’ll be praying for you. The struggle is real, and it’s worth every effort to reclaim your life. Wishing you wellness and amazing sleep!
P.s. It seems we share another thing in common— albeit not as fun as NPOs, writing, or gardening! Amazing!
Oh yes, the onset of insomnia was rough! I didn’t even mention that in my article! After a lifetime of being a great sleeper, I started waking up at 3am every night, not being able to get back to sleep. The progesterone part of my HRT has really helped with that.
And on your p.s., You are one of those people who fit the category of “my favorite people I never see.” 😂 Would love to connect Sept or Oct (getting ready to travel soon).
Aw. Being included in that category makes my day! Thank you!
HMU when it’s a good time. Can’t wait!
There are so many wonderful role models we can learn from, how blessed are we? I have always been a believer of not settling, which has meant I'm willing to try just about anything if I want something to change. And typically I hit upon something that works, but sometimes after many tries. I know if you are working full time, it can be difficult to find the time. But for whatever it may be worth, I'm turning 70 this November. I began teaching yoga about three years ago, but in the last year I've been teaching more, which means I'm practicing yoga much more than I was. And my energy level is higher than it's been in years, not to mention it helps with the physical aches and pains of aging. I've always been an advocate of yoga, but the experience of this last year is truly eye opening. Maybe even just 10 minutes of stretching and deep breathing whenever you are feeling blue or in pain. Wish you lived closer, I'd come practice with you.
I would love so much to do yoga with you! Hot Hatha is my favorite form of exercise, but I have a hard time getting out the door. But this is a good prompt for me to try again—I’m surrounded by yoga studios.
Also, completely impressed that you started teaching so late in life! I’m inspired!
First of all, I love your garden. I know that wasn’t what you were writing about, but I think that being able to garden, or even to live in a space where you can have a garden is one of the great parts of being the age you are. As one gets older, they sometimes have to move to smaller spaces where they can’t have glorious gardens. Yes, I’m talking about myself. I now have small spaces that I can’t keep up like I once did now that I’m 80, but I still love my small, little, impossible garden. I remember 50. I started a new career that year, but I also remember how old I felt. I look back now and realize it was because of all those hormonal changes that really do change our bodies and minds and it is a shock! Now, I feel younger than I have for years. I’m not quite sure why, but I think it because I keep on doing all I can because I don’t want to be relegated to the rocking chair like I see so many in age group doing. I also think it is because I keep that 40 mindset going: I’m in my prime. That’s what they said 40 was all about, and hey, I didn’t want to give up being in my prime. I love the freedom I have at this age to do what I want when I want with no demands of a job, children, or outside expectations. I do Pilates once a week and that has made the greatest difference in my life so far when it comes to keeping my mental and physical fitness strong.
I’ve been hearing a lot of folks saying they feel better in their 70s/80s than they have their whole lives. This gives me hope! I’m so glad I published this essay, because the responses have really lifted my spirits.
I'm sorry you're in a sucky place right now. Acknowledging it and carrying on seems like a good coping plan!
Thank you. Hopefully talking about it openly helps folks aging behind me spot the signs and feel less crazy!
Menopause sucks in all ways. I’m 53 and started peri mental pause in my mid 30’s and had a uterine ablation in my 40’s mostly because I felt like I was going to bleed to death. Then menopause at the same time as COVID! The worst. My brain has never recovered. I’ve had COVID at least 5 times with one exceptionally bad case. I left a high paying job for one a lot less stressful. My pay is finally up where I can live comfortably again. Not quite as many perks but less stress is necessary for me to function now.
I am still seeing a counselor weekly, a psych dr quarterly and am on a shit ton of medications to deal with my remaining issues.
I sometimes freak out a little when I know my life expectancy isn’t what it was. Probably by 10 to 15 years. But, I am just trying to live each day as best I can.
I’m so sorry. I think back at some struggles I had in my late 30s and 40s and wonder if it was peri. Nobody talked about it back then like they do now!
Hi Jen--I'm turning 48 in a week, and I've been experiencing perimenopause symptoms for several years now (of course, it took me forever to understand that since there's such a dearth of information out there). I'm currently taking progesterone and using an estrogen patch under the care of a naturopath; it's only been a few months, but I can feel the difference. (Also antidepressants and therapy, but that predates perimenopause.)
Returning to writing (after years of not really doing it and being filled with self-doubt/recrimination/hatred/you name it) has been the most life-changing non-medical thing I've done for my mental health. Also, whenever I get into a regular walking routine I feel so much better. I would love to explore more forms of exercise, but it takes me about five to ten business years to start something new, so that hasn't happened yet. I've been collaging as another form of artistic expression; it's soothing to listen to music or an audiobook and just clip and glue.
It's hard to endure the rollercoaster of moods. Sometimes I just go out for a bit by myself and drive or wander without purpose through a thrift store, just letting my thoughts breathe. I'm never happy to hear that someone else is feeling this garbage, but I'm glad to know I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing this essay.
😂 “five to ten business years” 😂 I so relate to that.
HRT has helped a lot with sleep, inflammation, and libido.
Thank you for sharing the other things you’re doing to care for yourself.
“Sometimes I just go out for a bit by myself and drive or wander without purpose through a thrift store, just letting my thoughts breathe.” <- This hits home. I’m strong in the taskmaster department, making it really difficult for me to just chill. I need to do more meandering. Thank you for sharing this!
One size does not fit all when it comes to Menopause so don't let comparison with others add to the burden of this time. Find a doctor who works with you and doesn't minimize what you are experiencing. I have had to try a variety of medications and supplements to take the edge off the worst of my symptoms. Sleep disruptions are super debilitating for me and unfortunately, I am on year 7 of hot flashes. Talking about these things is so important and I feel like I'm on a mission to normalize conversation about women's health issues. It still makes me smile to myself when I see how uncomfortable some men get when I make a comment about having a hot flash.
I've often thought it was a cruel joke of nature that menopause seems to ramp up at the same time kids are hitting the hormonal upheavals of the teen years. And I wonder if we would all be happier if we lived in multi-generational families; since I don't sleep anyway, I would be the perfect person to be up with that fussy baby :-)
I've learned to have a lot more grace for myself and my current limitations. I know that I will wake up with a different body each day and some days will just be more of a challenge. I don't push myself as hard as I used to and give myself more permission to rest. It's a work in progress.