Delighting In the New Year

Turning off auto-pilot. Or wading upstream. The metaphor is a work in progress. 😂

Hi, it’s me.

If you have an office job like I do, you might relate to the tradition of getting nothing done the first day or so back after a long holiday break. In the Before Times when I actually commuted to an office, I would spend extra time in the break room chatting with coworkers, wander around the halls or cubicles checking in on my friends, and start every meeting with a recap of how many people in our family got sick, until finally…I would sit down at my desk to sort through my notes, emails, and calendar to get reoriented.

As much as I like working from home these days, I do sometimes miss the water cooler conversations and hallway chats. Now that I have an ADHD diagnosis,¹ I recognize how the minutia of those in-person interruptions and interactions actually helped me focus on my work. Now I’ll spend hours sitting at my desk, unmoving, which sounds like it might be more productive, but without the micro-interruptions or context changes brought on by in-person meeting rooms, I often find myself spiraling into a panic of wondering what to do with all of this wide open time-space in front of me.

That is a long way of explaining that I have no plan for what I’m writing today. But still, hang with me for a few words while I reorient myself to life post vacation cheese plates, all day pajamas, and Influenza A ER trips.

We spent a few days in the woods.

A Quick Publishing Update

For the next few months I will likely not be posting every Wednesday. In an effort to finish the first draft of my book while working full time and having a family and social life, I need to focus my dedicated writing hours on getting this done.² Otherwise I fear it will be one of those things that I just talk about all the time but never actually do. If I do show up in your inbox, it will be to share a shitty first draft or perhaps some aspect of my creative process, or to ask for help if I get stuck. I’m attending a writing retreat the first week of April, so my target (once again) is to finish the draft before I go. Though if you were here last year, you know I had the same April goal and missed it by three unfinished chapters.³ I’m trying to not let that get me down, instead allowing myself to delight in the process.

Speaking of delight…

Fighting a Midlife Malaise

It is the darkest of times. Don’t take me too seriously when I say this, because I do have a flare for the dramatic. And yet… the seasonal winter darkness is amplifying all of the other darknesses I feel. At top of mind is the dangerous political shift toward putting unchecked power and self-interest in charge of systems and policies designed to serve the common well-being. A close second is my own shift into perimenopause with physical and mental health symptoms that appear to be out of my control. And third, twenty-three and a half years into my marriage, I sense myself drifting into auto-pilot with my most important relationship.

My favorite person (Hoodsport, Washington, December 2024).

Over the last few weeks I had time to reflect and quickly realized I need to snap out of it and engage with my life. There are upsides to being a chill person who isn’t easily ruffled, but on the flip side, I can be slow to act with a sense of urgency when necessary. I can easily slide into auto-pilot and just go through the motions, ignoring symptoms of decline in my own mental and physical health and relationship status.

I’m feeling an urgency to re-engage with myself, to wake up, to look around me and appreciate what I have, to express my love and delight in my most favorite people. I’m not really a person who delights. I’d like to think my curmudgeon tendencies are charming, but maybe only when balanced with a measure of playfulness. My body and my country are experiencing a season of extreme unrest, and I can’t allow myself to be swept down stream in the malaise. Time to wade upstream against the current.⁴

Going Analog

I really hate screens. I deleted apps from my phone, started writing my to-do lists on paper, and stopped following the news. Bryan bought us a fun camera that prints photos on rolls of paper, and it’s been so fun to use. I bought him a new record player for Christmas and we’ve watched less television because of it. I read four books in December after struggling to read fifteen all year. I’m working on leaving my phone in another room.

Film will always be superior to digital.

These are the random things I would tell you if we ran into each other in the break room the first week in January. What’s going on with you?

Until next time (whenever that is),

Jen

p.s. I cleaned and organized my desk last month and came across a pile of old driver’s licenses. Behold the work of art I paused to create (ADHD much?!):

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1. I wrote about getting an adult ADHD diagnosis here:

Someone Once Called Me a Thought Leader and I Couldn't Hear Anything Else He Said After That

2. You can read about my book project here:

Did You Know I'm Writing a Book?

3. I wrote about that missed deadline here:

I Didn't Hit My Writing Goal, but I Have So Much to be Proud Of

4. Is the metaphor auto-pilot or river-floating?! I warned you this essay was an unplanned thought! 🙄