This post was the opposite of a mess (ordered? harmonized?). I know much of this wider story but to hear it from your thoughtful and eloquent perspective was something new and valuable.
As someone who kept MH at arm's length, but dearly loved a lot of people involved with it, it was... quite a thing to witness from the outskirts of your community. I'm glad to hear a little more of your story - in the same vein... when MH made the shift for the infertility group that I joined through them (my deepest tie!) to put it in the same six-week bucket that their addiction small groups were at, it definitely ended a community I'd grown to rely on - almost like a small ripple before the big one. And like I said, I was only ever on the outskirts, because that group was my only connection point besides knowing you and some other Mars Hillians just from general life in Seattle. But I still miss some of the women that I never saw again after that change. Some of them I was able to keep up with. Some of them are probably happy to be rid of me :-) But boy, that sense of community falling apart - it is ... awfully familiar. Thanks for writing about it from your perspective! I remember imbibing so much of what you said and wrote about community - I think you were one of the reasons we wound up having housemates for a short time (all of which worked out *terribly* fwiw, and now we'll just... not do that again... but that's a story for another time!), and it's nice to have your voice in my world again!
Thanks, Beth. I'm sorry that happened to you (and others who are mutual friends). Mark, and by extension much of the leadership, did not value community in the deep ways those of us did who cultivated and experienced it. They may have talked the talk, but in reality the culture was very transactional, as in the case of completely revamping your group.
How you articulated this crazy beautiful mess is so thoughtful, thank you for trusting this space for your authentic self. I never attended one single service at MH but my standard for community is modeled after what you and my bestie showed me day in and day out doing life.
This was so, so hard. and just awful. But you and Bryan will always attract community and the best people. So no getting around quitting community. ❤️❤️
I can only imagine how hard this was for you all. For me, it felt so strange and terrible to be experiencing it in a whole different city. My heart broke for you and others who had been there since the beginning trying to figure out what the future would hold. Before I moved to Chicago I felt the "shun" like I wasn't fitting into the mold I was supposed to be. When I tried asking those former MH folks I knew in Chicago how they were feeling, processing, no one wanted to speak on it. I respected their silence but it also made me feel alienated and made my own healing process more difficult. Your beautiful family and a few others were the reasons I stuck around MH so long I guess. Even though my gut was telling me there was something wrong, I wanted community so desperately I ignored everything else. Thank you for sharing your story Jen. In a lot of ways I too am still healing from all of this and I'm thankful for you. Maybe someday we'll see each other in person again and be able to chat over coffee or something else :)
Thanks for this, Jen. Though it may be "raw" and "barfed out," this post is gold. I'll be revisiting many times.
Thanks, Holly.
This post was the opposite of a mess (ordered? harmonized?). I know much of this wider story but to hear it from your thoughtful and eloquent perspective was something new and valuable.
Thanks, Scott. I'll take "thoughtful and eloquent" over "anxiety and emotional soup!"
As someone who kept MH at arm's length, but dearly loved a lot of people involved with it, it was... quite a thing to witness from the outskirts of your community. I'm glad to hear a little more of your story - in the same vein... when MH made the shift for the infertility group that I joined through them (my deepest tie!) to put it in the same six-week bucket that their addiction small groups were at, it definitely ended a community I'd grown to rely on - almost like a small ripple before the big one. And like I said, I was only ever on the outskirts, because that group was my only connection point besides knowing you and some other Mars Hillians just from general life in Seattle. But I still miss some of the women that I never saw again after that change. Some of them I was able to keep up with. Some of them are probably happy to be rid of me :-) But boy, that sense of community falling apart - it is ... awfully familiar. Thanks for writing about it from your perspective! I remember imbibing so much of what you said and wrote about community - I think you were one of the reasons we wound up having housemates for a short time (all of which worked out *terribly* fwiw, and now we'll just... not do that again... but that's a story for another time!), and it's nice to have your voice in my world again!
Thanks, Beth. I'm sorry that happened to you (and others who are mutual friends). Mark, and by extension much of the leadership, did not value community in the deep ways those of us did who cultivated and experienced it. They may have talked the talk, but in reality the culture was very transactional, as in the case of completely revamping your group.
How you articulated this crazy beautiful mess is so thoughtful, thank you for trusting this space for your authentic self. I never attended one single service at MH but my standard for community is modeled after what you and my bestie showed me day in and day out doing life.
Love you, friend. Thanks for reading. *kiss emoji*
This was so, so hard. and just awful. But you and Bryan will always attract community and the best people. So no getting around quitting community. ❤️❤️
I've tried many times to be a recluse and it never works. lol
I can only imagine how hard this was for you all. For me, it felt so strange and terrible to be experiencing it in a whole different city. My heart broke for you and others who had been there since the beginning trying to figure out what the future would hold. Before I moved to Chicago I felt the "shun" like I wasn't fitting into the mold I was supposed to be. When I tried asking those former MH folks I knew in Chicago how they were feeling, processing, no one wanted to speak on it. I respected their silence but it also made me feel alienated and made my own healing process more difficult. Your beautiful family and a few others were the reasons I stuck around MH so long I guess. Even though my gut was telling me there was something wrong, I wanted community so desperately I ignored everything else. Thank you for sharing your story Jen. In a lot of ways I too am still healing from all of this and I'm thankful for you. Maybe someday we'll see each other in person again and be able to chat over coffee or something else :)
Here’s to making it off Cloud City and continuing to seek justice and build community. I love you!
Yeah! Love you too, friend.