Growing Up With Billie Eilish
celebrating my own little rock star
Hi, it's me. Last week we celebrated our daughter Ruthie's 20th birthday, and I know what you’re thinking – how could a young lady like me possibly have a 20 year old?! Thank you for expressing your complete disbelief – it’s one of the reasons we’re friends.
As parents of a 20 year old and almost-18 year old, we’re not so hands on anymore – though they still suck me into mom-ing them with sweet manipulations like, “...but the sandwich always tastes better when you make it!” The daily rigor of keeping them clothed and fed is behind us. The teaching, correcting, disciplining, and character building is different now – less reactive and more like coaching.
Preparing humans to take on the world is terrifying. Like baking meatloaf from scratch, you never know how it's going to turn out. Weird analogy, but it’s true! I like to taste test my food as I make it, but meatloaf is made raw so I won’t know if it’s well seasoned until it comes out of the oven. By then it’s too late! If it’s bland, it’s bland.
What if I end up launching poorly salted humans into the world!?
As parents, we make countless decisions over the years that may or may not have a lifelong impact on our kids, often under pressure, and without the time, sleep, or information we need to feel confident about our choices. Then we hold our breath and wait five, ten, or fifteen years to find out how those decisions worked out.
Where do we live? What school do we send them to? Do we let them have sleep-overs? How much screen time do we allow? Do we make them take piano lessons even if they hate it? When do we insist they follow through on something because it builds character? Do we pay hundreds of dollars to stand in a field during Pacific Northwest sideways rain to watch our kid play soccer even though we’re convinced she’s only in it for the cool shorts and socks?
Who’s to say? 🤷♀️
Ninety-nine percent of parenting is seasoning to the best of our ability and waiting for the thing to bake.
A surprising comfort over the last few years has been watching Billie Eilish grow up through her annual Vanity Fair interviews. I don’t follow her music closely, but Billie and Ruthie are close in age – Billie turned 21 in December. Watching her coming-of-age story in parallel to my own daughter’s journey feels sweet and familiar.
It was Ruthie who first got me hooked on the interviews in 2021. As a family, we’d spent a ridiculous amount of time together during the 2020 quarantine, mostly bonding over puzzles, watching movies and shows together, and playing board games.
In February 2021, we watched the Apple+ documentary called The World’s a Little Blurry. It’s about the creative process of making Billie’s first album, but also about being a teenager and having dark feelings and being part of a family that works together as a team. I fell in love with her brother Finneas. And Billie. But also Finneas 😂. I mean, everyone gushes over how Billie was only 15 years old when Ocean Eyes started playing on KCRW, but let’s not forget that Finneas co-wrote and produced that song when he was 17 years old.
It’s from watching this documentary that I went down a rabbit hole of absorbing Billie Eilish content, and Ruthie turned me on to the interviews.
If you’re not familiar with them, here’s a quick recap: The first Vanity Fair interview was in 2017 when Billie was 15 years old. Since then, the interviews happen on the same day each year, and each year she’s asked the same questions. Over time we’ve seen her angsty, awkward, sad, and now at 20, Billie seems happy and hopeful. “Nothing like that second year!” she says with a side-note gesture.
When I asked Ruthie what she thought of this year’s interview, she mentioned that part, saying that for her, last year was like Billie’s second year: a little dark.
My favorite part from this year is when Billie’s mom, Maggie, appears at the end and says through tears, “I love all the Billies!” It’s the mom-est thing ever. Everyone deserves a mom who loves every part of us, at every stage — even the angsty and bitchy parts. I grew up feeling loved by my own mom, even though I yelled sometimes and slammed doors in her face. I hope Ruthie can see I love her this way. I think she does, but maybe we won’t know until she’s 42 and writing her memoir and it suddenly dawns on her how amazing it is to have a mom like me.
In the alternate universe of my mind, the three of us – Billie, 20-year-old me, and Ruthie – are twisted up in a braid together. I see glimpses of myself in Billie when I was her age – empathetic, loyal, and turned off by the transactional aspects of her job. She reminds me of Ruthie – the closeness with her mom, the hair dyeing, the darkness that lurks within. In another time and space continuum, the three of us might have been inseparable besties.
But mostly, I’m grateful to watch another angsty teenager grow up alongside my own angsty teenager and feel hopeful that even though the world is a little blurry at times, a Happier Than Ever album still gets made.
Until next time,
Jen
What about you?
I’ve journaled my whole life and occasionally read back through them. But if I could start over again, I’d spend time once a year answering the same questions so I could see how my answers changed of the years. What a fun idea!
What about you? Do you interview yourself year after year? Or read old journals? Or look at the “memories” that pop up on social media apps?
New + Notes 🌼
Here’s the sixth Vanity Fair interview with Billie Eilish:
You can watch them all on YouTube HERE.
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No update today on Schrödinger’s Polyp. Bryan had an MRI on Monday, and tomorrow we have an appointment with the care team to hear the results and find out the plan for treatment. I’ll post when I know more.
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Speaking of colorectal issues:
Such a gorgeous post - a beautiful tribute to your children and your relationship with them. And "I love all the Billies" - yay for Billie's mom!
I'm not suggesting that you fry any bits of your kids, but here's a tip if you're wanting to test the seasoning in your meatloaf (or whatever other uncooked meat/fish/whatever item you're making): cook a tiny bit of the mixture in a dry frying pan, and then you can taste it without any food safety concerns. Potential blandness: begone!
“Ninety-nine percent of parenting is seasoning to the best of our ability and waiting for the thing to bake.” Love this, and the braid image. Wonderful how these humans we are loaned for awhile can end up teaching us new things. Off to add all the Billies to my ToBeWatched list.